Written by Isabella Frappier on


Remember when I said your butt likes to be wined, dined, and sixty-nined? I meant it! The first step is to relax, and get excited about the process. Please DO NOT USE any numbing or relaxing agents on your anus. These stop the feedback between your anus and your brain and you need that feedback.

Your anus might need you to slow down, add more lube, change positions, and if you don’t get the feedback to adjust, you persist and can do damage to your butt. If it hurts, you want to know about it.

Instead, try using something natural, such as the high-quality CBD products from Veritas Farms. These can help you relax and drop into your body. Light a candleperhaps do some stretching or take a bubble bath. Make the time and space to relax and start slowing down before you approach your bum.


The common concern I hear most often from my clients is “Will there be poop on my toys/fingers/partner?”. The short answer is “yes, sometimes”. When you play with fire, you get burnt every now and then. It sure is fun to play though.

If there will be rimming involved in this session, for hygiene reasons, you may want to wash off in the shower first with some mild, unscented, sensitive soap (if you have a vulva, the soap should be PH balanced also). Some people like to do an anal enema or douche beforehand, but this is a matter of personal preference. This would be the time to do one if you’d like, you don’t want to do it right before play, trust me! You don’t want a watery butt-related accident on your hands. Or sheets…

Now it’s time to prepare all your handy dandy tools and sex toys. You might want to lay a towel or lovely blanket like the Liberator Fascinator Throe down, and gather your fave sex toys, butt plugs, and lubricants handy. When you’re laying down relaxing and playing with your butt, you don’t want to be popping up and down every time you need another toy or more lube.


Ideally, every anal training session should include a good amount of anal “foreplay” or “outer-play”. I recommend massaging your buttocks with your hands or use a powerful toy like the Magic WandNot only does this relax the whole body, but it also helps relax the involuntary muscles in the internal anal sphincter.

Then you can move to the anus itself, and softly stoke across the area. Experiment with different tempos, directions, pressures, techniques, speeds, etc, and explore what feels best for you. This is a great time to bring in some lube, it will make it feel even better. Because you’ll be using toys later, water-based lubes like the ones from pjur are a great choice to keep your toys safe and your butt happy.

Pro Tip: For added stimulation, use the Zumio to do some pleasure mapping, and pinpoint the exact areas of your anus (only externally with this toy) that feel best for you.


When you feel ready, you can slowly and gently insert a well-lubricated finger, and continue exploring what feels the best. Because you’re training your anus for bigger toys (eventually), once you feel comfortable with a finger moving in and out, you’ll want to try an anal massage technique.

Here’s how I like to teach this technique. Ball your non-dominant hand (the hand you don’t write with) into a tight fist. Imagine that fist is your anus. Then insert a finger into the middle of your fist, in through the opening between your thumb and forefinger. Slowly and gently try to massage your fist open. Slow circles with medium pressure usually feel best, but explore your personal preferences. Now try that on your anus.

When one finger is feeling good, move up to two. If your first plug is the width of two fingers, you can start playing with that.

Pro Tip: Anytime that anything is going into your anus, measure it with your fingers first. How many fingers wide is it? You should slowly work up to being able to comfortable finger your butt with that many fingers before trying the toy or penis. Pleasure is important, and butts don’t like being rushed!


Now don’t forget about the rest of your body while you’re giving your booty all this attention. Take time during the anal training process to stimulate your other erogenous zones too. Experiencing pleasure through your other erogenous zones can also help enhance the pleasure when you do get to the butt.

Also, having an orgasm prior to anal exploration can help the pelvic floor and involuntary muscles, making your anal play more successful and pleasurable. During anal stimulation and training, try using your fave sex toy, like a womanizer or zolo cup simultaneously for double the pleasure.

Pro Tip: You can absolutely buy all the items for your anal training separately if you’d like. However, there’s a high-quality one-stop shop for all your anal training needs. B-vibe has an incredible offering called the Anal Training Kit, which has everything you may need. It has a small silicone plug, a medium-sized vibrating plug, and a large weighted plug. It also includes a handy lubricant applicator, an anal enema, a zipper travel bag for sex on the go, and a sexy handbook for anal play.


When an anal plug becomes really easy to insert, wear comfortable for a while, and play with, moving it in and out, it’s time to move to your next size up. At your own pace, increase the size of your plugs until you hit your goal size.

If you’re doing this anal training to get ready for penetrative sex with a penis or strap-on, aim to have your biggest plug around the same size.


Anal training is a fantastic way to keep pleasure and sex on your mind. For example, pop in a butt plug and go to the grocery store. The next time you have some housework to do, try inserting a vibrating butt plug and also wearing the Moxie by WeVibe for combined anal and genital stimulation. I guarantee you the housework will be a lot more fun.

If you have a partner you can also explore some Dominance/submission style dynamics and have them instruct you (or instruct each other if you’re both anal training) on when and where to wear your plugs. This creates fantastic sexual tension, so much so that when you see each other you might just be tearing clothes off.



4 Sex Positions To Make Your Vagina Feel Tighter!

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Sex positions can make or break how great sex feels. Whether your partner has a small penis or you have a larger vagina, you may have some trouble getting enough friction going for it to feel really pleasurable for both you and your partner. This can also happen after a woman gives birth, because the vagina stretches out and takes some time going back to its original shape. Lots of girls (and guys) want a tighter sensation during intercourse – and finding the right sex position can make all the difference. Try these 4 great ideas TONIGHT for tighter, more satisfying sex for both you and your lover!

Legs Up, With Your Feet On His Chest

Start out on your back, like you and your lover were getting into the missionary position. However, instead of spreading your legs wide and having him enter you that way, lift your legs up and place your feet on his chest. This will allow for deeper penetration, however, it will also make your vagina squeeze tighter around his penis. Use this sex position after you’ve gotten your fill of kissing and caressing, because since your feet and legs are actually in between the two of you, there’s not going to be much room for kissing and intimacy of that nature.

An Even Tighter Variation

Cross your ankles – in fact, if you’re able to, cross them as close to your thighs as possible. If you can only cross them at your ankles or knees, that’s fine too. What this does is it brings the two sides of your vaginal walls even closer together, so he’ll actually be rubbing up against each side with his penis. This will feel more snug to him and create more friction – which will be pleasurable for both of you!


Yes, the popular social activity now has a place in the bedroom, but you probably don’t want to put this picture up on your social media websites. This is one of the best sex positions to make intercourse feel tighter, and women love it because it still allows for that great face to face interaction and intimacy during sex. Lie flat on your back like with missionary style, but with your legs completely closed. Make sure you’re lubed up enough and let him enter you like that – not only will he rub up against your pressed-together thighs, your vagina will also seem much tighter to him this way.

An Even Tighter Variation

Flip over and give the planking sex position a “doggy style” spin. Let him enter you from behind, but still with your legs all the way closed. He will love seeing your whole body laid out or him, and he’ll especially enjoy getting to caress your butt as you two get it on. This can also be one of the best sex positions for tight anal sex if you’re into that!

The Lotus Position

The lotus sex position is another great one for creating more friction during penetration. Have your partner sit on a flat surface, with his legs crossed “Indian style.” You’ll straddle him, lower your vagina onto his penis, and then wrap your legs around his hips and back. Getting a good rhythm going can be a little difficult here, so don’t be surprised when this sex position feels slow and sensual to you. Not only will his penis rub against the walls of your vagina more, having your legs wrapped around him will give him the illusion that he’s completely surrounded by you.




How to Tell Your Partner What You Like in Bed



You have to know what you like and dislike before you can even attempt to communicate your sexual preferences to a partner. Expecting your partner to figure out what you like for you is a sure-fire recipe for sexual dissatisfaction.

This may seem like an obvious step, but I can confirm from my years of working as a sexuality doula, it is not! Not to mention the mountain of questions we get here at Sex With Emily on how to get in touch with your sexuality.

It’s important to prioritize your sexual relationship with yourself, exploring and experimenting, to figure out the pathways to your own arousal. Sexual independence is actually key to good partnered sex.



One of the most important aspects of sexual communication is correctly laying the groundwork, and doing so in the right setting. Before you get all hot and bothered, have a chat outside of the bedroom about what you’d like to explore when you do jump into bed.

The basic principles of BDSM provide a fantastic protocol to get this started, regardless of if you’d like to incorporate the kinky elements. Be sure to cover your boundaries, expectations, and limits before you get frisky.

This sets the tone for good communication during sex. Plus, it’s a great time to get some of the potentially awkward (but they don’t have to be) chats out of the way, like STI status and preferred safe sex methods.


It’s really important when you’re discussing sex with a partner, to keep the conversation a judgment-free zone. You don’t need to be turned on by all their preferences and kinks, but you do need to listen with an open mind. There is so much benefit to be gained by simply listening.

Feeling safe to voice your feelings with a partner is important. It’s also important that they feel comfortable to say things like “I love that you shared that with me, but I’m not currently interested in trying it. It’s so sexy that it turns you on though, tell me more about what you like about it”.

This will help your partner to feel secure to share more with you. It also gives you valuable insight into why something turns them on, instead of just what turns them on.



Now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty of talking sex during sex. Hopefully, all your before-sex effort has established a really fun and emotionally safe environment, which will help you feel comfortable talking about your sexual preferences during the act. After all, some people are more ‘physical learners’ rather than ‘verbal learners’.

The most important thing here isn’t actually what you say, but how you say it. Keep your sexual feedback positive and constructive. Negative or critical sexual feedback can cause people to shut down sexually. So, instead of saying “touch/lick/suck/stroke me like XYZ”try saying instead “wow I love when you do XYZ”

Another great tip is positive reinforcing instead of critiquing. When your partner does something that feels great, say “it’s turning me on so much how you’re doing XYZ, please don’t stop’. If they do switch it up, and the new move isn’t working for you, say “the last thing you were doing was making me feel so good, could I please have more of that?”Now that’s some sexy communication.

A fun way to get a new sexual act started is by saying “you know what would make me so hot right now? If we could try XYZ, what do you think?”It’s a wonderfully inquisitive and consensual way to try out something new. Bonus points for healthy sexual communication if you’d talked about the act prior.   



If communicating in the heat of the moment feels daunting, I understand. It can be really challenging to speak up for yourself sexually. Your pleasure is really important though, so playing “communication games” can be a great way to get started.

Ask your partner if they would like to play a sexy game in bed with you, hopefully, they say yes!

Then you can try one (or try both)  of my two favorite games for making your sexual preference communication easy, sexy, and fun.

-The A/B Game

This one is fun, easy, and gives you valuable insight into each other’s pleasure. You can even add in a blindfold to make this game even more fun. Try out two different toys, techniques, angles, thrust styles and tempos on each other, and ask your partner which they like more, “A” or “B”. For example:

For example, during oral sex on a vulva, ask your partner “which do you like more, this is A” then lightly trace circles over their clit, “and this is B” and then try side to side licks, otherwise known as the Kivin Method. They tell you which they like most and *boom* you just learned how to please them better, no awkwardness involved.

-Let Your Body Talk Game

For this one, your partner isn’t allowed to use words to communicate their pleasure. Take it in turns pleasuring each other, and they can use their body language plus some grunts and groans to show what they are enjoying the most. After each person’s turn receiving, tell the receiver which things you thought they liked best, based on their body language.

It actually doesn’t matter if you guess correctly or not, and here’s why. When they explain what you guessed right or wrong, what you’re actually learning is how they express pleasure in their body. This is a fantastic tool for learning about their non-verbal sexual communication.



This last step is perhaps the most important. After you get down with your lover, and the post-coital afterglow wears off, snuggle up and have a post-game review. Discuss what the highlights were for you, and tweaks for making the sex even hotter next time.

Even the best sex ever can always get better and better, that’s the fun thing about sex. Remembering the advice from earlier, keep this dialogue non-judgemental, and focused on constructive feedback.

This doesn’t mean you can’t tell them the things you didn’t like so much, in fact, you should definitely communicate those. However, it’s important to phrase it in a kind and helpful way. For example:

Not ideal communication: “When you licked my nipples it was kind of lame”.

Sexy communication:  “You know what really turned me on that time? When you were sucking my nipples. The licking didn’t do too much for me, but that sucking got me so hot”.