Even in the straight edge vanilla dating world, approaching someone you’re interested in can be nerve wracking, and most of us have had to do it at some point or another. We’ve all faced this nervous moment. What do I say? Do I look good today? Will I be rejected? It’s hard! But in the swinger community, there’s even more to consider because now it’s not just about you, it’s about your partner as well and establishing a four-way connection between the both of you & the both of them. You know you’re attracted to them, but will the other couple feel the same about you? Should you be forward? Take things slowly? Especially if it’s your first time at a swinger’s club or on a swinger dating website, it can be overwhelming just to be there, let alone approach a new potential couple to arrange a sexy swap.
The good news is that the swinging community is a welcoming one, and you can rest assured you already have one thing in common! So don’t be shy, which we know is easier to say than actually feel. We are here to help your chances with these tips to give you a better chance of a successful swinging approach. The swinging etiquette varies depending on if you’re meeting couples in person or online, but the general atmosphere of the invite should remain the same.
If you’re at a swinger club or house party…
Wait to catch someone’s eye
You are sexy people and should feel confident with yourself. When you enter the room, play it cool but don’t be cold. Act like you have seen sexy people before even if they are amazingly hot and right in front of you. Spend some time cruising the room being friendly and waving hello. Don’t be afraid of being friendly toward larger groups of people. It is often easier than you may think to break into a swinger clique. After you have walked through the room, make sure to consult with your partner to see which couples you both find attractive. You don’t want to spend time flirting with someone if your partner isn’t interested. Once you’ve come to an agreement, you can walk over and say hello again and really start your flirting.
Keep it simple, say hello
It’s as simple as walking over and saying hi, offering a hand shake, and introducing yourselves. You don’t have to use your last names if you want to protect your privacy. Only using your first names is very common because many swingers need to be discreet and because using full names is more formal. They’ll most likely be interested in chatting to see where things go. If they aren’t interested, no worries, there are other people in the room and worst case you can have naughty fun with the sexiest person in the room – your own partner. Get ready for your swinger flirting to really start. Relax, you got this!
Start a conversation
Talk about anything, don’t just jump into sex, your swap preferences, or anything too intense. It’s also important to remember that most people want to remain anonymous, so avoid any prying questions that are too specific like where they work or where their kids go to school. It’s fine to ask more general questions like what they do for work, and how many kids they have, for example. Be sure to listen – people love to talk about themselves. Another way to let them know you’re interested is to give compliments and do a little flirting. If this doesn’t sound comfortable, we have written extra conversation tips for shy swingers to help you feel more comfortable.
Bring up the lifestyle
At this point, once the conversation is flowing and both parties are keen, it’s appropriate to talk about the lifestyle. You can talk about how long you’ve been a part of the community, how often you come to that specific swinger club, what other swinger clubs they like to visit.
Bring up what you came here to do
Let’s remember your aim is to seduce the other couple, not be vulgar or sleazy. You want a smooth transition from flirting to sexy swinging. If things are going well, sexual tension is building and you’re ready to play, invite the other couple to one of the play rooms. You’ll know when this feels right. If you are nervous about popping the big question here are some approaches you can try.
One-on-one can be less intimidating. Ladies, if you go to the restroom together you can let the other lady know there is a green light for sexy fun in case they are interested. Men, when the ladies visit the restroom you can also have the same chat one-on-one.
Be seductive in a subtle way. Try saying something like “You are the type of couple we would love to play with”. You aren’t directly asking them but you are clearly opening the door for them if they want to step up.
Be direct. Once you think there is a good four way connection, you can simply say “We think you are really sexy, would you like to see if there is a room available for us to play together?” It really can be that simple. If they are into you, it’s easy for them to agree. If they aren’t ready for that, they can politely decline or ask for a bit more time and that is totally fine.
Unsure? Are you getting mixed signals or aren’t 100% sure you’re reading their signals correctly? Relax, you can slyly gain a better understanding of their intent by asking if they would like a tour/to give you a tour of the sex play areas. If they are into you, this will create an easy opportunity for play to start with a very personal tour. If they decline the tour, that is a good sign they aren’t interested (or at least not yet) and you can choose to keep talking or to go chat with other couples.
If you’re approaching vanilla people…
We understand that you will come across sexy people in the vanilla world and you might even want to invite these vanilla people to join you in the swinging world. Before you do that we should talk about a few things.
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