12 Tips to Revive a Stale Sex Life

Written by SexWithEmily.com

Nothing in life lasts forever, and sometimes that includes mind-blowing, life-changing sex. We’re not saying that it’s impossible to rekindle the flame after the initial spark has gone out (please don’t mind the excessive fire metaphors). But with busy work schedules, families, and general life chaos, it can be hard to keep things as sexy as they were at the beginning of your relationship. As NRE (or new relationship energy) fades, so can the sex—so it’s important to find ways to prioritize your pleasure as a couple and spice it up.

Our number one tip when it comes to bringing back some of the OG heat is variety. In other words, adding something new to your sexual routine breaks up the monotony of the same ol’ thing day in and day out. Here are some sex tips for getting started.

1) Bring in some reinforcement (toys).

If you haven’t introduced sex toys into your bedroom, consider this a sign. There are so many myths associated with sex toys…they can de-sensitize your vulva or they’re purely for solo play. Nope and nope. If sex is ice cream, then toys are like sprinkles—they aren’t necessary for sex, but they do make things a little more fun.

We’re obsessed with the toys from Dame wellness. The Eva from Dame is a wearable, hands-free vibe that’s designed for couple’s play. Simply tuck its flexible wings underneath you or your partner’s labia to add clitoral stimulation to penetrative sex. We’re also big fans of Dame’s Fin, a finger vibe that adds all sorts of delicious buzzy sensations to sexy time. Most vulva-owners need some kind of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and adding a toy to do just that is a great way to make sex more pleasurable and possibly exciting.

2) Find some shared kinks.

If you and your partner have been together for a while, you might be stuck in the same ol’ “sex routine.” And while it’s totally fine to have go-to positions, bringing something different into the bedroom is one of the best ways to revive your sex life. Meet our Yes, No, Maybe Guide. By filling out a little sexual questionnaire together, you can consider new kinks or reaffirm the things you want to try. Most people find that completing the Yes, No, Maybe Guide gives them a long list of exciting new sexual activities. Give it a try and fill up your calendar with all sorts of exciting sexual adventures, whether that’s roleplay, bathing together, or experimenting in BDSM.

3) Tighten up your pelvic floor.

Your pelvic floor muscle is crucial for solid sexual health, so strengthening it can often lead to a more satisfying sex life. Stronger pelvic floor=stronger orgasms, baby! We recommend practicing your kegels regularly and you can opt for a device that even does your exercise for you. The Yarlap is an award-winning device that uses auto-kegel technology to help work out your pelvic muscles. It’s proven to help with incontinence, and whatever your age, leads to better, more intense orgasms. If you’re bad at remembering to work out (you’re not alone), the Yarlap helps because it literally does your kegels for you. Have fun—the rewards are worth it. Bonus: Sex With Emily readers get $30 off with the code EMILY.

4) Incorporate CBD.

If your sex life feels “meh” because you’re struggling with stress, getting turned on, or experiencing pain during sex, CBD might be a great option to revive your sex life. Whereas other forms of cannabis give you a body and a mental high, CBD works to help ease anxiety and give your body a more calm, “ahhh” feeling. When used as a topical on your genitals, it can help stimulate blood flow, which is a key component in fueling the physical sensations of desire.

We’re obsessed with Foria, which offers an almost magical range of products featuring CBD and made with clean ingredients. Their intimacy line has a stellar lineup of  Arousal Oil, Intimacy Suppositories, Sex Oil, and Bath Salts. You can even buy in bundles to combine products for a relaxing (but totally erotic) sexual experience. Spa night=sex night. Bonus Sex With Emily readers get 20% off with the code EMILY.

Right now, 10% of the proceeds will go to the Audre Lorde Project, an LBTQIA+ BIPOC community in NYC.

5) Have sex outside.

There’s something about sex outside that can unlock a person’s primal side. If you can snag privacy, try having sex while on a hike, on a camping trip, or on a balcony. You can also opt for your backyard or even the backyard of your next Airbnb. Regardless of the location, having sex somewhere new, especially when it’s outside, feels spontaneous, playful, and 100% hot. (Sounds like a valid reason to book a getaway if you ask us.)

6) Increase your stamina.

It’s common for sex, libido, and stamina to all fluctuate with time and age. Specifically, some penis owners might experience premature ejaculation, or not “lasting as long” as they’d like. And while this can often feel like a huge roadblock in your sexual relationship, there are lots of ways to increase your stamina and go for as long as you and your penis desire. Promescent’s “delay spray” is one of those go-to products for a lot of men. It’s a great way to experience all the sensations of sex without finishing before you’re ready.

7) Amp up the dirty talk.

Never underestimate the power of your words—especially when it comes to sex. Lots of people love when their partners get vocal about their pleasure but some may refrain from speaking up because they aren’t sure what to say. The more you practice dirty talk, the easier it becomes. Start by describing how good something feels or letting your partner know how much you love it when ________________ (fill in the blank with sexy act here). Getting into the habit of talking dirty is one of the easiest ways to increase the heat and revive sex life because it’s something you can literally start doing tonight. Try it out! Odds are, your partner will love it.

8) Plan a staycation.

You don’t need to fly to Maui for the best sex of your life—you can do it all in your hometown. Finding a great hotel or Airbnb just to simply get away for a night or two (without really getting away) is such a simple way to prioritize your pleasure and connect on a deeper level with your partner. So often we get stuck in the same work, eat, sleep routine that it takes some effort to break the mold and do something different. Enter a staycation. Pick a spot you two have been meaning to try and have sex in a brand new location.

9) Experiment with roleplay.

You can also add variety to and revive your sex life by pretending to be someone else. Roleplay is hot AF because it gives us the opportunity to see our partner in a new way, experiment with power dynamics, and embody a new energy. Classic scenarios include teacher/student, masseuse/client, CEO/secretary, and bartender/customer, but we won’t limit you. Use your imagination and slip into a sexy alter-ego.

10) Edge your way to stronger orgasms.

For this, it’s all about the antici…pation! Edging can help prolong your sexual experience, as well as make your orgasms stronger to revive your sex life and the spark in your relationship. In order to edge, think of sexual stimulation between a 1–10; 1 being when you’re not aroused, and 10 when you get to the bang of an orgasm. Focus on how close you get to that 10, but don’t reach it entirely. Try to get back to a 3 or 4 and regain control. Once you’ve done this a few times, reaching an orgasm feels way more intense. For more tips on how to edge, check out our Edging Guide—located here.

11) Send a dirty text.

There’s nothing better than seeing a dirty text in public and blushing–the feeling of being naughty is a core erotic fantasy within many of our sexual fantasies. By introducing the idea of sex in the middle of the day, you and your partner will have sex and arousal at the top of your mind and be more open to it later. It can be as innocent as texting your partner that you’re looking forward to being together later…. And it can be as naughty as sending a “sneak peek” in your birthday suit or describing (in detail) what you want to do to them.

12) Watch porn together.

Have you ever wondered what type of porn your partner watches? We often think of watching porn as a solo activity, but having your partner join can be an incredibly erotic experience to revive your sex life. Knowing what visually arouses your partner can be beneficial to know what makes your partner tick. You don’t have to be into the same things, and it might even be awkward at first. But once you start to explore (Bellesa Plus has some incredible options) you might find yourselves being turned on by the experience and learning new ways to arouse one another.


Source: https://sexwithemily.com/12-tips-to-revive-a-stale-sex-life/

How To Lick The Clitoris The Right Way

Oral sex on a woman can be tricky, because the clitoris is just so sensitive. Use these simple but effective techniques to lick your girl into an orgasm frenzy!

Why You’re Probably Licking Her Clitoris The WRONG Way

Most women respond well to clitoral stimulation outside the clitoral hood. The clitoris is often much too sensitive to handle direct stimulation. Many guys, however, go gung ho right on her clitoris itself, which can be really uncomfortable!

An outside approach works best – after all, the protection of the clitoral head is exactly what the hood was designed to do. There’s no need to go digging around underneath the clitoral hood with your tongue to find the head – this will only cause extreme discomfort and in some cases, even pain.

Don’t forget, however, that you must also develop a rhythm and keep it, especially close to orgasm. Keeping that in mind, let’s go over some of the correct tongue techniques in more detail.

Sweeping Your Tongue Across The Clitoris

This move is great! It simply feels wonderful to a woman and should be a staple of any oral sex routine. It is a fairly easy move – position your tongue on either the right or left side of the clitoris and move from side to side as though you were sweeping a floor.

Clitoral Circles

This too is one of the best and most pleasurable clitoral techniques in cunnilingus. You’ll want to use this one a lot, because it can rarely get boring! The technique is somewhat self-explanatory – again, you’ll position your tongue either to the left or right of your partner’s clitoris. You will begin to move your tongue in circles, either in a clockwise or counter-clockwise motion.

This feels excellent when your partner is fairly aroused because it gives the clitoris plenty of stimulation outside the hood where it is well-received, but once your tongue gets to the 6:00 position on the “clock,” she will get a lovely preview of your tongue on her sensitive clitoral head – but not so much that it is uncomfortable.

Light Suction On The Clitoris

This is a move that is best performed when your partner is sufficiently aroused. Suction too early in the game may turn her off completely by putting too much pressure on her sensitive parts too soon.

You’ll want to take her clitoris gently into your mouth and lightly suck on it – much as though you were drinking from a straw. Remember; don’t get too rough with this move! This can be easy to do, so it is very important that you pay attention to your partner’s cues and movements. If she seems to be shrinking away before her orgasm, lighten up on the suction or discontinue sucking at all.

Remember Your ABC’s

You might have heard of this oral sex technique before, but then again, you might have not. This may quite possibly be the best technique out there, so listen up!

It may sound funny, but you’ll once again position your tongue (a pointed one works best here) either to the side or at the top of her clitoris and begin using your tongue to draw your ABC’s. Yes, you heard right.

This gives your partner a clitoral sensation similar to that of the circular stroke (most of the movement is performed outside of the clitoral hood while just a few strokes end up contacting the clitoral head itself) and simply feels divine to your partner. But wait a second!

If the sensations are really all that similar to the circular strokes, why even do the ABC strokes at all? Well, there’s the money question. The ABC stroke is as powerful as it is because it gives just the right amount of contact to both the clitoral hood and the clitoral head while mixing things up. You get the best of all the worlds – perfect contact, an excellent rhythm but here’s the rub – no two strokes are exactly the same. The different letters that you’ll be tracing with your tongue allow for enough variation to keep your partner guessing and on the edge – of orgasm! Very few men with sufficiently warmed up partners have made it all the way to the letter Z.

The Messy Eater

This is a tricky one, although it may not sound like it at first.

Basically, this move encompasses all the other techniques (such as tongue circles or gentle vacuum suction) but in somewhat of a “smorgasbord” fashion. You’ll want to use an oral sex position where you cradle both legs in your arms (her thigh will be in the crease of your elbow and your hands should come up around and rest on her hip bones) and…well, dig in!

This is a move where attitude really pays off – you’ve got to act like you’re hungry and you just can’t get enough of it. On the same token, however, you’ve still got to keep in mind that the clitoris is very sensitive and although you may be going at it like you’re at a pie-eating contest, you don’t want to go caveman on her and rough her up. Keeping a balance between the two is really what makes this move worthwhile.


Source: https://loveandsexanswers.com/how-to-lick-the-clitoris-the-right-way/