How to Have Sex When You’re in a Full House

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In a perfect world, we would all be able to have sex whenever the mood strikes, free of inhibition, obstacle, or obstruction. We would do it in the kitchen in the middle of the day, maybe in the living room at dusk. But for many of us, privacy is a luxury that we don’t quite have in our homes. Whether it be roommates, neighbors, kids, or other family members, plenty of sexually active adults live with other people.

So what do you do when you’re horny in a full house? How can you scratch your sexual itch when you don’t have the comfort of solitude? Fear not. There is hope for ye horny folk, yet. Here are some ways you can have sex in a full house while staying secretive.

Get steamy in the shower.

It might not be the most spacious setting, but bathrooms are the pinnacle of privacy when you’re living with others. You don’t have to worry about anyone bothering you or barging in as long as the shower is running and the door is locked. If you’re single, bring a water-safe toy with you and get a little dirty before you wash yourself clean. If you’re looking to have sex with a partner, the noise of the shower will likely drown out the sound—just go in and exit at separate times so no one knows what you’ve been up to.

Plus, shower sex lends itself to certain positions that you might skip over while getting it on elsewhere. Just remember to keep soap away from open orifices and that water does not double as lube.

Be an early riser.

If you’re into morning sex, set your alarm a bit earlier than you normally would. Wipe the sleep from your eyes, roll over, and get it in first thing in the morning. If you’re up before the sun, chances are you’ll be up before anyone else in the house too—just make sure your alarm isn’t so alarming that it would wake people in other rooms. (And remember not to hit the snooze so you don’t miss out on sexy time.)

Not a morning person? You can do the reverse and stay up long past everyone else’s bedtime. Either way, you’ll be having O’s while everyone else is catching Z’s.

Have sex off the bed.

Bed frames and box springs tell no lies when it comes to sex. That unmistakable sound of two bodies bouncing together in bed seems to permeate even the thickest walls and announce your love-making to the masses. But you can avoid the dreaded “creak creak creak” by doing your business on the floor!  Throw down some pillows for comfort, blankets for warmth, and sheets to protect you from rug burn, then bang it out on the ground.

You’ll be surprised at how much harder you can go when you don’t have to worry about the sturdiness of the structure you’re rocking on. You may have to muffle your moans with the pillows and keep the spanking to a minimum, but sometimes restrictions make sex all the more fun.

Be shameless.

Depending on the age of your housemates, consider being honest and upfront about your plans to get it on. You can relieve yourself of the worry of getting caught by putting it all out there in the first place. It might involve a touch of scheduling, but you would be surprised at how understanding people can be. Maybe your roommate can take a walk in the afternoon and leave the house available for your erotic romps. Maybe telling them will unlock a new level of bonding and respect that you didn’t suspect you could achieve.

Of course, be mindful of the nature of your relationships and do your best not to make others uncomfortable. But if we all start normalizing sex, the world would be a better and more pleasurable place.

Cohabitation is complicated, especially when it comes to sex. But where there’s a will, there’s a way to home base. With some planning, creativity, and a little communication, all your wildest sex dreams can come true, even if you’re living in a full house.



The Top Sex Myths

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If we’ve heard it once, we’ve heard it a zillion times:

“He’s experienced. He knows what he’s doing in bed.”

Or, “she’s not wet – she must not be into me.”

Or my personal favorite: “if you use a vibrator that much, isn’t a penis going to feel disappointing?

Even if we don’t say these things out loud, these are the kinds of sex myths that are so pervasive, they just feel true. That’s because we’ve all internalized a lot of limiting beliefs around sex and pleasure, simply by virtue of being human. Why? Because we (culture) are still getting comfortable discussing these topics at all. Just by being here, reading this article, you’re on the forefront of a movement: one that says it’s OK to talk about these things, and to understand why pleasure is important.

So first: good job you, for being curious! And secondly, let’s do some myth-busting. Because these are some of the most common assumptions about sex that trip a lot of people up, preventing them from having all the juicy pleasure they deserve. Even those of us who know better fall into these myths sometimes (guilty!), so a little refresher never hurts.

Here and now, the top 5sex myths you need to stop believing:

1. If you’ve slept with a lot of people, you’re better at sex

Tell me if this self-talk sounds familiar to you:

“If they’ve slept with 10 people, and I’ve slept with one, that means they are 10 times better at sex than I am.”

Good news: NOPE! You don’t arrive to a place where you are “good at sex.” Sex is like cooking: it’s the ingredients that go into the mix that make it a fantastic meal, and no two people are the same. Or to mix our metaphors: it’s improv jazz, every time.

Your number of past partners (aka, your “body count”) has no relevance on the person in front of you. But here’s what will improve your sexual interactions: paying attention to your partner’s pleasure. Being attuned to their body language. Taking the time to understand what you like (which can happen solo). Communicating what you want.

Sleeping with a lot of people doesn’t make you a player or a slut: these are old, judgmental ways of thinking that are hopefully fading. (Shoutout to vulva owners: having a lot of sex also doesn’t mean your muscles permanently stretch out. That’s a tired patriarchal myth tied up with virginity.) On the flip side: sleeping with a small amount of people doesn’t make you undesirable. It means you have lived your own unique life! So take this body count belief, and kindly put it in the psychological trash.

2. You shouldn’t need lube if you’re already turned on

Here’s the reality: lube makes it easier to orgasm. We’ll circle back to that one in a moment – but first, wetness.

Here’s what affects the body’s ability to produce natural lubrication:

  • Where you are in your cycle (in general, vulva owners are more wet when ovulating, less when they’re not)
  • Medication: birth controls, antidepressants, even allergy meds — all have the ability to affect wetness
  • Your age (hormones change as we get older, affecting our genital moisture)
  • If you’ve just had a baby (hormones)
  • Stress (again: hormones!)

As you can see, there are a ton of factors outside of arousal that dictate wetness. So many people take it personally when a partner isn’t wet…and assume they’re not turning them on enough. That’s why I’m here to tell you: normalize lube.

Sure, there may be an arousal issue here, warranting a deeper conversation. But if you’re both in the mood, and one person’s not wet – guess what? It’s nobody’s fault. In fact, during one study, 50% of folks reported that lube made it easier to orgasm! So grab a bottle and have fun. 

3. You can get addicted to a sex toy

…or another, related myth: your genitals will become desensitized to sex sensations, if you masturbate a lot.

You want to hear something cool? The opposite is actually true! Masturbating, whether you’re using a toy or not, activates our nerve endings on a regular basis, creating more neural pathways to pleasure. Boom shaka-laka.

Now then, can we create mental patterns around masturbation? Sure. We can get a little rote with our routine, simply because we know what works, and naturally, we want to do that thing over and over again. But we can fix that, by adding in a little variety: using a toy during penetration, edging, experimenting with your hands or a different toy.  (Might we suggest the Womanizer from We-Vibe? That pleasure air technology delivers OMG sensations like you’ve never experienced.)

In short: don’t worry about using a sex toy. You’re training your body for pleasure—you’re not getting addicted. 

4. Sex isn’t good if you don’t have an orgasm

Listen—orgasms are wonderful. Love ‘em! The hype is warranted. And: they are not the single metric of successful sex.

What’s important to remember here is that pleasure and orgasm are not the same thing. Pleasure is the journey: the connection, the touch, the intimacy, and the joy of simply exploring one another. But sometimes, we’re so focused on having (or “giving”) an orgasm, that we miss out on the richer pleasure piece. To quote Alanis Morissette…isn’t it ironic?

This belief is an outgrowth of the notion that “sex” is strictly PIV (penis in vagina). It’s…not. A lot of folks disassociate during sex as a result of this thinking, because we’ve been taught that everybody is supposed to orgasm during penetration. And then, we feel like failures if that doesn’t happen.

So here’s my advice: take orgasm off the table. Make presence the new goal. I think you’re going to have a lot more fun that way, and if an orgasm happens, awesome! If not, you’ll walk away still having released a ton of pleasure chemicals in your mind and body, because you weren’t caught up in the stress of HAVING to climax. 

5. Anal is only for gay men

Or, that it’s painful, or that you’re dirty, or that it’s bad for you.

Before we get into this one, know this: penis owners can experience prostate stimulation during anal, and it feels amazing. Also? Everyone, vulva owners included, can have booty orgasms. Here’s a comprehensive podcast episode where you can learn all about butt stuff with the expert herself: Alicia Sinclair, founder of B-vibe, THE resource for educational, sexy, and cute anal toys.

Returning back to the original myth though, we can quickly debunk it with simple science:

We all have an anus, we all have nerve endings inside our anus, and when stimulated properly, they feel wonderful. To experience those sensations, it’s helpful to prepare your sphincter muscles, because just like you wouldn’t pop into the splits without stretching your hamstrings — same goes for anal. It can be painful, if we’re not careful, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s also not dirty: here’s Dr. Evan Goldstein, explaining exactly how your colon stores waste, and how it doesn’t interfere with anal sex.

And finally…as we’ve hopefully established by now, anal isn’t just for gay men. Everyone’s got a booty. And everyone can utilize it for pleasure, if they so choose.

So there you have it: the top sex myths, debunked. Don’t you feel better, knowing that none of these things are true? They’ve just been repeated a lot! But armed with information, you know what to do: go forth, get your head in the game (wink wink), and have fun being liberated from stigma.



5 Tips For The Best Handjob

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Handjobs might be one of the most underrated sex moves out there. Perhaps that’s because a handjob is often associated with youth and immaturity. Maybe it’s something you did in your BF’s basement when you were in 10th grade. But despite its reputation, a good handjob can be a great way to change up your bedroom routine and variety and bring you closer to your partner.

Like many things, a solid handjob is all about delivery—no one wants a half-hearted handjob. There’s an art to it! To help you create a memorable and hands-on (sorry, couldn’t help it) sexual experience, we’ve assembled our top five tips for a great handjob. Let’s discuss:

1. Make it a full-body experience.

One of the best ways to dial up your handjob game is by gifting your partner a complete sensual experience. Light a few candles (we love massage candles), put on something sexy, and kick things off by giving your partner a full-body massage. Straddle them as they lie face down and rub their back, shoulders, and neck to create an aura of relaxation.

When you’re done rubbing their back, have them turn over for the rest of their massage. You might consider adding in some lube or oil to help make the experience slick n’ sexy.

2. Lube it up.

Speaking of lube, it’s a necessity in handjob land. Penises don’t self-lubricate, making it nearly impossible to give a good handjob without some form of lube. Add a few drops and feel free to generously reapply. Remember: friction is the enemy of the handjob and there’s no such thing as too much slip and slide.

There are so many different options you might consider; water-based or silicone is good if you plan on having penetrative sex right after the handjob, but oil might be fun if you’re having a hands-only experience.

3. Play with technique.

To help make the experience feel good for your partner, try playing with some new techniques and learn what they like best.

One recommendation is to use two hands. You don’t necessarily need to constantly use both of your hands at the same time, but double the handy-work is double the sensation. Wrap your hand(s) around the shaft and begin to gauge the pressure and rhythm that your partner likes the most. (You can typically tell by moans, the change in breathing patterns, etc.) Consider adding a few twisting motions, or a “milking” technique.

Another key element is the grip. Don’t clasp too hard; instead, keep a loose grip with your focus on movement. Occasionally graze your fingers over the head of the penis, frenulum, and scrotum. Some penis owners like it when you cup their balls, so see if they prefer a gentle versus firm hold. Switch between using your fingertips and your whole hand. You can also experiment with anal or nipple play simultaneously. Once you learn what your partner likes, you can repeat it over and over again.

4. Talk to it.

Handjobs don’t need to be a silent affair—you can use this as an opportunity to show off your dirty talk skills. We’re not saying you need to go into a full-fledged character (unless that’s what you want) but experiment with being more demure or dominating than normal. A little power play can really amplify the handjob experience as it incorporates the oh-so-fun element of control. If you want to hold extra power, try tying them up or incorporating some rules and punishments.

As for what to say, tell your partner you love how hard/big/hot they are or, if you have a vulva, how wet they’re making you. Make your partner feel relaxed and confident. Receiving any sort of pleasure makes you vulnerable and a little reassurance goes a long way.

5. Ask for a hand.

Remember, while a physiological response of arousal (like hardness or wetness) can be easy to see, the lack of hardness is not a direct reflection of how turned on your partner is—or how attractive they find you. If your partner is having trouble getting hard, don’t assume it’s you or that you’re doing something wrong. Instead, casually ask what they like, or even better, ask them to show you.

You might also consider implementing a vibrator—vibes feel good on penises too! With a low setting, run the vibe up and down your partner’s shaft. If they’re still feeling the pressure to get hard, use the toy on yourself and have them watch. Sometimes taking the pressure off really helps with arousal.

A handjob is what you make of it. So, if it’s been a while since you practiced your handjob skills, give it a try. It might even become your new go-to move with your partner.



How to Master These Awkward Positions

Written by Tolly Moseley on

Listen: missionary is fantastic (trust), but sometimes we all want to change it up a bit. And when we do, we reach in our back pocket of sex moves and pull out our experimental material: reverse cowgirl, interesting oral, 69, shower sex…you know, easy things. Not awkward at all,

Except, those ones in particular are actually not easy. They require a little practice, a little leverage, a little positioning—with results that are, at times, less hot AF and more WTF.

That’s why I’ve compiled a “cheat sheet” of pointers for your most asked-about sex positions. From, “how do I get my rhythm right in reverse cowgirl?” to, “how do I have shower sex without slipping and breaking my jaw?” This article provides a step-by-stepof some of the more challenging sex positions and how you can rock reverse cowgirl, oral, 69, and shower sex with as much pleasure (and as little awkwardness) as possible.

Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl is one of those positions that looks unbelievably hot but feels a little weird. Now let’s be clear: it’s great because 1) it provides a fantastic view of the booty, 2) the penetrating partner can place their hands on their partner’s hips, and 3) the person on top can set the rhythm. But setting the rhythm isn’t always easy, and if the person on top has a vulva, Reverse Cowgirl doesn’t necessarily provide clitoral stimulation. What’s a cowgirl to do?

To make this position fun for everyone, try this:

  • Start slow. If the penetrating partner has a penis, this position asks their suspensory ligaments to stretch slightly. So once the receiving partner has turned around, straddling their partner’s legs, have them lower down gradually. Before anyone starts thrusting, start with a slow rock.
  • Involve hands or a toy. In this position, the penetrating partner has an excellent opportunity to grab their partner’s hips or to prop themselves up on one elbow, and use the other hand to reach around. If you’re performing anal play and the receiving partner has a penis, you can use the freehand for digital stimulation. If the receiving partner has a vulva, the freed-up fingers can stimulate the clitoris with their fingers or a toy. Options!
  • Check yourself out. While the bottom partner has an A+ shot of the butt, the view isn’t as exciting for the person on top. So how about doing it in front of a mirror? That way, the top partner can check out the action via their reflection, and PS – research shows that this is a huge turn-on for vulva owners.
  • Try a seated variation. Instead of trying it on the bed, you can also practice reverse cowgirl in a chair or on the edge of a bed. In this position, the penetrating partner sits down, feet touching the floor, while the receiving partner sits on their lap, facing forward. This variation is preferable for many, because the penetrating partner is nice and close (and can use their hands to play with breasts or pecs), and if they have a penis, it’s a little easier on their ligaments…keeping things sexy and safe.

Oral Sex: Kivin Method, Facesitting and 69

Okay, oral sex isn’t necessarily a “position”—but maybe you want to simply change your oral game up a bit. Here are my top tips for making oral an unforgettable experience:

Kivin Method

This method differs from traditional oral sex, in that the giver actually lays perpendicular to their partner, at a 90-degree angle, making a capital ‘T’ with their bodies. So instead of looking upwards at the clit, you’re looking at it sideways. Experiment with what side you approach from because most clitorises have a side that is more sensitive than the other. (Science!)

You can tackle this positioning in a few different ways. Choose what works best based on your physical comfort, as well as the receiver’s sensitivity preference. If the vulva owner enjoys being widely spread for maximum stimulation, suggest they bend their knees and pull their legs back, for more intense stimulation.

The trick with this snazzy move is that you’re licking horizontally (instead of the usual vertical direction) across the hood of the clit in a gentle up and down motion, much like you’d eat an ice cream cone. That said, try a few different variations with your tongue to hone in on exactly what your partner likes: the Kivin Method hits more nerve endings than traditional oral, so this should be a fun experiment for both of you.


When done correctly, face-sitting can be extremely pleasurable (and erotic) to the person on top. But some folks get so nervous about hurting or suffocating their partner, that they avoid it altogether. Au contraire! You can pull this off safely. Here’s how:

  • Kneel into it.  Rather than face-sitting, think of this position more like face-kneeling. Position yourself over your partner by straddling their chest with your knees and scoot forward until you’re in place.
  • Use the headboard. You can also have your partner lie closer to a headboard (or for our exhibitionists: a window sill), so you can put your hands on it for extra support. This way, you can distribute your weight with your legs, knees, and arms.
  • Play with control. If you’re the “top,” your partner can lie completely still while you do all the moving, grinding as hard or soft as you want on their face, and doing motions that feel the best for you. (The advantage being: your partner won’t strain their jaw). OR, switch roles. Try it where you’re completely still on top, while your partner goes to work…and you’re freed up to focus on the sensations. They can also use a hand to pleasure themselves at the same time, because why not? Either way, be sure to communicate and check in with your partner, to ensure everyone is comfortable.


We’ll admit: we used to be one of those people who didn’t “get” the excitement around 69. Because while porn has made it look like one of those totally effortless positions, the truth is, it’s a lot of work! And can feel less like sex, more like multitasking.

However, there are hacks for making 69 waaaay more accessible, and now that we’ve tried these, we one hundred percent get the hype. So if you want to upgrade your 69 games, try this:

  • Lay side-by-side. One of the things that make 69 feel difficult is the physical mobility of the position itself. Being backward and on top of your partner (or vice versa) sometimes feels like a game of Twister. Instead, try lying next to one another on your sides, so that both you and your partner can access one another with more ease. Ah, that’s better! Now that you’re relaxed, start with some gentle teasing, gradually increasing the intensity.
  • Use your hands. Who says you have to solely use your mouth for 69? If your jaw gets sore or there’s simply too much to think about, try the “handy dandy:” one person performs oral, one person performs a hand job. You can also bring in toys, like tiny bullet vibrators or strokers. Not only do these give your hands and mouth a welcome break, they create their own novel sensations – instantly elevating the experience.
  • Distribute the effort. Just because you’re both working at the same time doesn’t mean you need to be giving or receiving with the same amount of effort continuously. 69 is a give-and-take: you can take turns giving, while they lay back and receive, and vice versa. This might result in some exciting “edging” play, allowing you both to experience the tease, build-up, and release.

Shower Sex

Hot water, naked bodies, and a steamy, slippery environment? What could go wrong??

Shower sex is super-pleasurable, provided no one’s hurting themselves. So here’s how to approach your shower (and your partner) with confidence: 

  • Play with your positioning. It’s no secret that one of the most common issues with shower sex is positioning. So for starters, try the classic bend-over: one partner stands in front of the other, facing away and bending over slightly. The other partner stands behind them, and either uses their penis or a strap-on to enter doggy-style. Depending on the size of the shower, the person in front can put their hands on the wall to help balance.
  • Get handsy.  You can also experiment with oral and hand play. If you’re using your hands, stand and enjoy some super hot mutual masturbation. Opting for oral? Simply take turns getting on your knees, giving your partner a wet trip to pleasure town.
  • Use what you’re working with. Different folks, different strokes, different showers. Much of your positioning will depend on what sort of shower you have. If you’re in a shower with a bathtub (and the tub is big enough), consider laying down with one partner on top of the other while letting the warm water cascade down your body. Have a removable showerhead? Because it’s money on the clitoris. Take turns getting wet and turned on with it, and if you finish, guess what? Clean-up is a snap.
  • Use the right accessories. Did you know that a ton of today’s sex toys are waterproof? Some toys even have suction cups that you can adhere to the wall for easy play and accessibility, which is genius on several levels.


If you partake, don’t forget your silicone lube! Silicone lubes are waterproof, meaning they won’t wash off until you want them to—just make sure you’re not mixing them with a silicone toy, since it can degrade the toy itself. If you want an oil lube, go for Foria’s Sex Oil. Also, take care that no lube gets on the floor, because shower sex is slippery enough, right? Keep your feet stable and your toys (not the floor) lubricated.

There you have it: your most challenging sex positions made easier. With these tips, we think you’re going to feel a lot more excited to experiment—because, at the end of the day, sex should feel like play, not a physics test. Have fun trying something new, and unleashing all the pleasure possible.