5 Types of Arousal

Written by SexWithEmily.com

Let’s talk about a sexy – but often misunderstood – aspect of the sexual experience: arousal.

Why misunderstood? Because we have a tendency to conflate “arousal” with “desire.” The two are related, but there’s a crucial difference: desire is a psychological wanting, but arousal is a bodily event.  And to desire anything – be it a person or a piece of chocolate cake – there is always a beat between the wanting, and the satisfaction.

In fact, what gives desire its heat is a little bit of mystery, where we hope and wonder if it’ll actually happen… the “it” being anything, like sex with someone we’re attracted to. Or, eating that chocolate cake.

But where desire is about motivation, arousal is about preparation. Desire moves you to act, while arousal is your body getting you ready for whatever appealing thing is about to happen. When you’re sexually aroused, you might feel:

  • Your breath quickening
  • Your heart speeding up
  • Your blood flowing to various erogenous zones, and those zones becoming more sensitive

Now, why is this all helpful for sex? Because once you know your arousal style, you can work with it more effectively to get in the mood for sex. You can know with more clarity, “OH, this kind of situation turns me on,” and you can then apply that knowledge to your future sexual encounters.

In truth, the science of sexual arousal is ever-evolving. But let’s take a look at five sexual arousal styles that are pretty common, to help you determine which one you (and/or your partner) are. I’ve also included quick hacks under each, to help you take each arousal style and make it an IRL sexy situation.

1. Arousal Through Conversation

This is the person who loves talking, relating, laughing together, and creating an emotional connection as their lead-in to sex. It’s important for this person to feel safe, relaxed, and like there’s been sufficient time to catch up with each other before any touching occurs. But as the conversation progresses, it could be a moment of sustained eye contact, a moment of giggling together, a moment of relating…that starts to get their juices flowing.

To hack it…

  • Have a sit-down date, without a ton of outside distractions. Choose a place where you and your partner can sink in, catch up, and focus on each other.
  • Ask questions, lead with curiosity, and share thoughtful responses: all ways to help someone who’s more conversational feel more connected to you.
  • You can open up light, by simply asking: “tell me about your day?” Then you can progress to something more suggestive, such as: “I have a few ideas about what we can do after this. But I’d love to hear what you’re in the mood for.”

2. Arousal Through Touch

This is the person who wants to hug, brush your arm, hold hands, and make tons of skin contact as they get ready for sex. They are not physically stand-off-ish at all, and it’s the tactile connection between the two of you that causes their heart to pound.

To hack it…

  • Maybe this one sounds obvious – include touch, duh – but it’s the way that touch happens, that’s important here.
  • I recommend touch that creates a lil sexual tension: starting off with something more neutral or sweet, like hugs and/or a touch on the shoulder.
  • As you read your partner’s body language, you can offer more suggestive touch: a kiss on the neck, touching their thigh, etc.

3. Arousal Through Visuals

This is the person who gets turned on by what they see: and that could be you looking sexy, it could be their own reflection looking sexy, it could even be a vivid fantasy. This person might also not be a bad candidate for using sexy media for arousal, like ethical porn. Within reason of course, but if you get turned on by visuals…media could be an effective “arousal runway,” as my dear friend/fellow sex educator Ian Kerner puts it.

To hack it…

  • For this arousal type, I find it goes a long way to pay compliments. Something simple but sincere, like: “wow…you look super hot in that outfit.”
  • You could also share a visual fantasy with your partner, like: “I love picturing you in bed, on top of me while my hands are tied.”
  • Going to the trouble of getting yourself primped and dressed up can also be ideal here. Not saying you have to rent a tux/ball gown, but rather, wearing your version of polished, primped, and put-together.

4. Arousal Through Play 

This is the person who’s down to role play, down for kink, down to be super exploratory – all with a playful spirit leading up to sex, with a vibe of, “I can’t wait to try this with you.” Highly imaginative and connected to fantasy, people that get turned on by play thrive when their partner is open to new experiences, in and out of the bedroom.

To hack it…

  • This is the partner who may want to shake things up, with something completely out of the ordinary. For example…
  • I’ve got a friend who plays “Sexy Stranger” with her husband, and one night, they met at a bar as if they were randos – but he put on a British accent. That playfulness and collaboration helped them have their best sex in years!
  • You can find tons of ideas for sexual play in my recent kink episodes: You’re Kinkier Than You Think: Part 1, where we lay out the basic principles of kink and BDSM, and You’re Kinkier Than You Think: Part 2, where we walk through ways to play.
  • Inspired by those episodes? Wanna stock up on kink supplies? Swing right over to Good Vibrations to getcha some.

5. Arousal Through Physical Adventure 

This is the person who gets turned on by doing something heart-pounding with you: working out, hiking, getting super into their body and watching you get into yours. They feel vital and alive doing physical activity, which releases feel-good chemicals in the body…prompting them to feel sexual, as they leverage their body’s physical arousal for intimacy between the two of you.

To hack it…

  • This arousal type is all about physical activity, so plan situations where you two can be active together.
  • It doesn’t ALWAYS have to be something super athletic, either – it could be a walk around the neighborhood, a swim, or a short jog.
  • But please don’t feel like you have to run an ultramarathon together just to have sex. The basic idea is that we’re getting our hearts pumping together.


So now you know the difference between desire and arousal, what some common sexual arousal types are, and tips for applying these types to real-life scenarios. Well done! Most people aren’t just “one” type, but a combination of a few – so have fun experimenting with each, seeing which arousal style gets you in the mood for your best sex.


Source: https://sexwithemily.com/these-are-the-5-arousal-styles/

How to Have Sex While Traveling

Written by SexWithEmily.com

“Hark, the herald angels sing…” And by “angels,” I mean you, having sex at your relatives’ house, singing in ecstasy. Except…no.

You want privacy. I get it. You want a silent night, even while getting yours in the night. (Or morning. Or afternoon. Whenever you like!)

Having sex while traveling requires a bag of tricks, including the means to enjoy pleasure quietly – but also, knowing how to travel with toys, which items to pack, and most importantly, how to have sex in small spaces. So let’s talk through all the ways to do it in rooms that are not your own because if there’s one thing we can all agree on, sex and the ears of our parents (or nephews or grandparents or fifth cousins) do not mix. But that doesn’t mean you have to forego – you just need some hacks, while you pleasure yourselves in your old twin bed after a night of wholesome board games.

Here now, the top do’s and don’ts for itinerant pleasure: 

DO feel good about packing your sex toys.

In the U.S., sex toys are approved by TSA for travel in both carry-on and checked bags. So when you’re packing, know that any toy you pack is probably fine. This brings us to…

DO choose peace and quiet. 

If you’re masturbating, the peace part will take care of itself (wink wink). But as for quiet? That’s when we want to be strategic, and bring a toy that specifically boasts its low volume.

If you’re a vulva owner and residing in a communal space (Christmas at your great aunt’s house), you can’t go wrong with a toy like the JeJoue Mimi. It has an internal motor set to low frequency, with a signature “rumble” – meaning, you’re likely to feel the vibes deeper in your body, hitting more pleasure points. But since it’s less buzzy than a traditional vibrator, it’s also more discreet, aaand it’s waterproof.  We’re especially obsessed with JeJoue’s Naughty Gift Set which includes the Mimi PLUS a massage candle, a blindfold and restraint, and an intimate game of truth or dare. (For when everyone else has gone to bed…)

DO have sex in the shower.

I mean, why not? You probably went to bed at 9:00pm after Elf and Yahtzee. How about you wake up early before everyone else, head to the shower with your friends (partner and sex toy) and come down to breakfast ready for the day? Taking on the world, folks! But in all seriousness, shower sex = silent sex, because the noise helpfully drowns everything out. And it’s a sensual environment. AND you have afore-mentioned waterproof vibes. Great sex tip, or greatest sex tip?

DO consider a hotel.

Look at you, being so cosmopolitan! For real though, if the host home is cramped, why not take a glamorous night to yourselves? Even if it’s a “glamorous” Best Western? Sex in unfamiliar places is just plain exciting, and with this kind of privacy, you can indulge however you like.

DON’T forget to lock the door.

OK, pretend we’re back to the OG holiday plan: you’re at your relatives house, you’re ready to get laid, everyone else is on a walk. Let’s do it! But please, for the love of Santa’s reindeer lock that door, so as to avoid being walked in on (horrors). When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to not hear things…like the front door opening…like Grandma looking for you guys…like the door knob turning…yeahhh. Let’s avoid this nightmare-slash-rom com, and lock that door.

DON’T overlook fun “extras.”

Let’s talk all the other little ways you can make travel sex extra dreamy.

Are you packing lube? Of course you are. Just make sure it’s in a 3.4 oz (or less) container if you’re flying. Are you packing underthings that make you feel sexy? Do it! Try wrapping them up in your regular clothes, if you don’t want them being discovered by curious nephews and nieces. Are you packing your phone charger? I imagine so, but you’ll definitely want it if you use your phone for music or other “ambient noise” while you play. (So as to prevent the very unfortunate situation of approaching orgasm, and having your phone suddenly die.)

DON’T be afraid of car sex.

You mean to tell me you’ve never given your partner a thorough and significant tour of your hometown?? Why not offer one, just the two of you? Heck, who needs stuff at the grocery store? You guys can get it! On the way, park somewhere discreet and…you know what to do. (Just make sure you actually do go to the grocery store and don’t return to the house blissfully empty-handed.)

DON’T forget to clean up.

After you’ve successfully sexed, do the courteous thing and clean up all evidence. Yes, you are an adult with a vibrant, adult sex life, but also…you’re still your parents’ precious baby. Forever. Help them not see your flavored condoms, and tidy up.

Untethered from our normal routines, the holidays are an awesome time to have sex. So enjoy the bon vivant energy! Now you’ve got a prep list, so your sex-on-the-go can be as adventurous as you are.


Source: https://sexwithemily.com/how-to-have-sex-while-traveling/

10 Sex Positions for Your Summer Bucket List

Written by SexWithEmily.com

It’s finally summer and we’re vaxxed, waxed, and ready to have sex. Let’s be honest: after the past year, a sexy summer is something we all desperately need. We can go out in public! Hang out with people who aren’t our family members or roommates! And, most importantly, release some of the (sexual) tension we’ve accumulated over the past year and a half. Whether you’re partnered up this summer or partaking in Hot Girl/Guy/Non-Binary Summer, here are some fun sex positions for your seasonal bucket list.

1. Watermelon Sugar

This iconic Harry Styles’ song might be a year old now, but there’s no denying that it’s the oral sex anthem we’re singing this summer. The receiver can sit on the edge of a bed or couch, and the giver sits on the floor to give some sugar. (Since heat usually rises, it’s easier to breathe and work when you’re closer to the ground, anyway.) Make things even sweeter by adding some flavored lube to the experience.

When going down on your partner, be sure to keep tabs on their moans or other pleasure noises. Experiment with tongue flicking and sucking and repeat what seems to be working. It’s the best picnic you’ll have all summer.

2. The Arc de Triomphe

Pardon my French, but this position f-ing rocks for penis and vulva owners. To mimic this iconic monument, have your partner sit down with their legs extended and then get on top and straddle them. Once you’re comfortable, lean all the way back and arch your back until you’re laying on their legs. The seated partner can penetrate you with their penis or fingers. You can lay your head between their legs and hold onto them for extra support or the sitting partner can lean towards you while they thrust.

For even more pleasure, squeeze your legs together—this intensifies the penetration and allows the sensitive parts of the vulva to feel heightened sensations. Or reverse so that your partner gets a great view of your derriere. It feels amazing and looks like a sex scene in an erotic foreign film… Voilà!

3. Motion of the Ocean 

Let’s be honest: many of us love the feeling of being carried, but it’s often not the easiest way to have sex. But if you’re in a body of water? Boom—there goes the hassle, making this one of our favorite summer sex positions. Take a dip in your pool or at the beach (making sure there’s no one around) and have your partner pick you up for a weightless and sensual experience. From the waist up, it’ll seem like a sensuous and innocent makeout sesh–perfect for when you’re skinny dipping or dipping your toes into some voyeurism. If you’re in a hot tub, one partner can sit while the other straddles, or you can flow through the water and enjoy the pulsating vibes of the jets against your skin.

If you’re not one to have sex in water (we get that), opt for hand stuff the next time you take a dip in the pool/ocean/hot tub. It’s just as sexy, and might even build up some tension to continue playtime when you’re back on land.

4. Sun Dress Challenge

Okay, this isn’t necessarily a position, but it’s a fun challenge. Essentially, this involves someone wearing a loose dress and exploring new positions and locations for spontaneous sex sessions. Not only is it a hot look, but wearing a sundress (or any clothing item) during sex adds an element of flirty play. If you’re the dress-wearer, have your partner slip their hands under your skirt for some finger play, sit on their lap, or encourage them to bend you over for spontaneous doggy-style.

The best part about this challenge is that it can be done almost anywhere. In a hotel elevator on the way up to your room? Have your partner (quickly and discreetly) slide in. If you’re more comfortable with privacy, the sundress challenge is also perfect for at-home play. You can climb onto your partner’s lap after you finish up a work-from-home meeting or coyly bend over (bonus points if you’re commando) when in the kitchen.

5. Post-Beach Shower Sex

There’s nothing like a hot shower after a long day at the beach. Make it a little steamier by having your partner join you—you’ll sneak in some sexy time and save water. If your shower space is limited, face the same wall as your partner and enjoy some “from behind” play. You can bend over and put your hands on your knees or the wall for added support, or use the shower head as a built-in sex toy.

The shower is also a great opportunity to engage in some mutual masturbation. Take turns lathering one another up and then pleasuring yourselves. (Got kids or roommates? The shower is the perfect place to mask the sounds of moaning!) By the end, you’ll both be glowing–from both the sun and the quickie.

6. Doggy-Style

If the heat is getting to you, this position can help you cool down, as you don’t need to be close to any covers for this summer sex position.

You can get on all fours on the bed or even the floor, and have your partner penetrate you from behind. If you’re receiving, try leaning back into your partner to control the intensity and depth of penetration. If you have a clitoris, lay on your stomach and play with yourself with your partner rocks back and forth.

Bonus: get a fan or A/C that is pointed toward you and your partner’s faces to cool off as you get off.

7. A Natural High

Unleash your primal side with some sex outdoors. While you’ll obviously want to opt for as much privacy as possible, there are totally ways to get it on outside. Pack a small towel or blanket the next time you’re on a hike, and take a detour to a secluded area for some spur-of-the-moment playtime. If you’ve got the time and privacy, sit on your partner’s lap and rock back and forth or play with more traditional (but intimate) positions, like missionary. Only have a few minutes? Opt for a quick standing sex sesh, using a rock, boulder, or tree for support.

Don’t forget to bite your lips to stay quiet—you don’t want to draw the attention of any other hikers, park rangers, or (of course) animals!

8. Solo Water Play

When it comes to summer sex positions, remember that you don’t need a partner to experience pleasure. Fill your tub or an inflatable pool with enough water to cool you down and get a waterproof toy to play with–we suggest Mimi Soft Clitoral Vibrator by Je Joue. This toy’s ergonomic shape helps to explore and play with your erogenous zones and stimulates your vulva with precision and control.

Another great option is to explore solo, outdoor shower sex. You’ll get the privacy of having an enclosed shower plus the thrill of being outside.

9. Ice, Ice, Baby

Summer presents the perfect opportunity to integrate ice play. You know how amazing it feels to drink cold water after an intense cardio workout? That’s exactly the feeling we want to channel. Try standing sex in front of an open fridge—the carton of oat milk won’t judge. For a more intense experience, incorporate some ice by dragging it across your partner’s skin. Go from their lips to their chest, and all the way down to their genitals. You might also suck on an ice cube and then perform oral. The cool feelings add new sensations that feel equally shocking and exciting.

10. Voyeurs on Vacation

When the summer temperatures start to creep up, the last thing you want is to share your partner’s body heat. Enter, mutual masturbation—a great way to connect and experience without even touching one another. Sit across one another on the bed or on the couch and slowly begin touching yourselves, describing how good it feels and how much you love watching your partner. (Check out our Mutual Masturbation Guide for extra tips.)

Wanna cool it down as things get steamy? Aim your fan or A/C onto both of you and enjoy the chill (and hot) vibes.


Source: https://sexwithemily.com/10-sex-positions-for-your-summer-bucket-list/