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Navigating MFF Swinger Threesomes

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So you’ve both decided to live out your fantasy of bringing another woman into your bed. Great. Now what? Agreeing to pursue a fantasy is just the first step of turning a dream into reality. Navigating a new sexual activity, regardless of what it is, with your partner can be challenging even under the best of circumstances.

Whenever you and your significant other consider expanding your relationship boundaries, many conversations must be had, words of affirmation that must be said, and a lot of trust that must be earned. Making sure that everyone has been able to express their wants, needs, and boundaries is essential.

Before jumping into bed with a third person, the first thing to do is talk about why you want a threesome and what you want to happen during the encounter. Take the time to assess the health of your relationship to determine if you are ready for a threesome. Make sure that the prospect is exciting to both of you and that neither feels pressured to live out the other’s fantasy.

Once you’ve determined that it is something that you both want, take time to discuss the details.

Essential topics to include in your discussion:

  • Who will be your third? Discuss your preferences for choosing a stranger versus someone you already know.
  • Are any activities off-limits? Don’t make the mistake of assuming that your idea of a perfect threesome is the same as your partner’s. Be clear if intercourse with the unicorn is okay with both of you (and, if so, what kind or kinds). You will also want to have this conversation with the woman you decide to bring to bed too! As in all lifestyle activities, consent is crucial.
  • Where will the encounter take place? Some couples prefer to play at home while others prefer hotels or lifestyle clubs. If you choose to host at home, decide if you want to use your primary bedroom or another location in your home.
  • Will this be a one-night stand, or are you hoping for an ongoing arrangement? This preference could impact the unicorn you choose as some women are only interested in single encounters while some prefer ongoing arrangements and others have no preference.
  • How will you check in with each other during your play session? Agree on a few verbal and non-verbal cues that will enable you to communicate with each other discreetly. These secret signals will help clarify whether moving forward is okay or if things need to slow down.

Finding Your Unicorn

If you already know the woman you want to invite to join your three-way action, please feel free to skip to the next section.

For many couples, finding the right person for their MFF is the hardest part. As with couple swaps, clear chemistry between all parties is vital but not easy to find. Swinger dating sites are a great place to start if you are looking for a single (or attached, non-monogamous) woman interested in playing with couples. Local lifestyle clubs can also be good venues for finding your potential fit.

Some couples prefer a more old-school route and choose to seek out their bedmates at vanilla bars. This approach tends to have a lower success rate, but it does offer a great couple’s night out if nothing else.

Common Feelings and How to Handle them

As we stated earlier, there are specific common feelings associated with the idea of a threesome, and they must be fully dealt with before it happens.

  1. Consent is Crucial

If you are committed to your partner, a threesome should not happen unless she is onboard with it. Consent is the most important thing to tick off the checklist, and each person has to be sure that it is what they want. It is vital that no one feels coerced or forced to agree, and once this part is settled, you can address other feelings.

  1. It is normal to get excited.

The idea of a threesome completely turns many people on. This is because they get to experience someone new sexually, watch their partner have sex with someone else, and even learn an adventurous and fresh sexual style. It is an avenue for you and your partner to live out a fantasy in the comfort of your relationship, and it is exciting to consider. Also, imagine how incredible it would feel to be stimulated by two people at once! Adding another female to your routine can give you intense pleasure and a fantastic orgasmic release.

  1. How to ask for a threesome?

Another common feeling people have when discussing threesomes with their partners is a possible lack of trust and confidence in the relationship.  It is important to begin any suggestion of a threesome by first restating your commitment to your partner and your existing relationship. How you present the idea will greatly influence how it is received. Try to reassure your partner by saying things like, “I think this would be so hot to share with you,” “This is a way to switch things up in the bedroom,” or “I want us to experience something different together.”  Statements like these focus on the benefits to the relationship rather than on just one person’s fantasies.

However, if you and your partner already have trust, jealousy, or commitment issues, suggesting a threesome will add fuel to the already bursting flames. In this case, you should wait till after you work out your problems and you are both in a safe, happy space in the relationship.




How to Master the Lotus Position

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Let’s cut right to the chase: are you one for intimate, eye contact-filled, almost-no-physical-space-between-your-two-bodies sex? If that’s the case, allow me to introduce you to lotus: a sex position you may have tried before, even if you didn’t know its name.

I had Barbara Carellas of Urban Tantra on the show recently, who gave us the low-down on tantric sex and its benefits: deep partner connection, energy orgasms, full-body stimulation. And the most famous tantric position of all? The lotus. I love it so much, I devoted part of my Masterclass to it – and now, I’m gonna break it down for you.

What is the lotus position?

Lotus involves the penetrating partner sitting down, criss-cross applesauce, with the receiving partner seated in their lap – facing towards them chest-to-chest, legs straddling the torso. From here, either vaginal penetration or anal penetration can occur, through a penis, dildo, or fingers.

Why try it?

This position is tantric not necessarily due to its configuration, but because of the intimate energy, it fosters between partners. You can be slow and soulful, or vigorous and wild – all with relative hand freedom, not to mention a nice angle to nibble each other’s necks, or caress each other’s thighs.

Because it’s physically comfortable (with none of the safety precautions of, say, reverse cowgirl), this makes lotus versatile enough to match your mood. Do you feel like making love? Lotus is your friend. Do you want a quickie on a solid surface? Again – lotus! You can infuse this position with tons of romance and heat, given the super-close proximity.

What are the benefits?

Vulva owners love the lotus because it allows for generous clitoral stimulation: you can rub it on your partner’s torso, lean back and use a toy on it, or have the receiving partner press it with their fingers. There’s also a pretty sexy view happening here – so sexy, that if you’re a penis owner, a delay spray might be in order. Look no further than Promescent if you’re in the market; it helps those sensitive nerve endings in the penis chill out a bit, so orgasms can happen with more control.

Another rad benefit: it’s accessible! As in, it’s not exclusive to able bodies. Lotus can happen with one person in a wheelchair, with lots of room for the vulva or anal play.

How can I spice it up?

Not gonna lie – lotus is already pretty spicy! But many physical variations can happen here, making lotus easy to tailor to your most ideal sexual experience. You can try…

  • Having the receiving partner brace their hands behind them, and lean back
  • Conversely, embracing each other tight, heart-to-heart
  • Turning it into a slow grind, with lots of deep penetration
  • Having the receiving partner wrap their legs tight around the other person’s torso
  • Having the penetrating partner grab the hips or butt of the other person
  • Bouncing
  • Making out while you do it
  • Mouth-on-nipple action
  • Having the receiving partner drape their legs over the penetrating partner’s shoulders (note – this requires legit hamstring flexibility. But if you have a vulva and can pull it off, all the better to hit your G-Spot.) We call this “Draped Lotus.”
  • Flipping around: the receiving partner switches their position, so their back is to their partner’s chest

As you can see, there are loooots of ways to innovate and make lotus your own.

Any drawbacks?

Not many. The lotus (or the “yab-yum” as it’s called in Tantra) has been around for, literally, thousands of years. That being said, there are a few things you should know:

  • The top partner is putting all of their body weight on the bottom partner, so bottom partners: speak up if that’s uncomfortable!
  • It also requires the bottom partner to have pretty open hips. If you don’t, but would like to try lotus, consider practicing another lotus position: the one we find in yoga.

Can we get spiritual?

Absolutely! To tap into the tantric side of the lotus, introduce additional tantric principles during the position to enhance the intimacy and connection. You can try…

  • Breathing deeply
  • Gazing into each other’s eyes
  • Staying mindful of your body’s pleasure
  • Moving in slow, meaningful rhythms

These are just a few tantric principles that can help you make the most of this deeply intimate position.

Sound wonderful? Yeah, it does. Now go out and enjoy all the connection – and pleasure – lotus has to offer.



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5 Ways For You to Maximize Your Orgasms

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Real talk: orgasms are the best. In addition to physically feeling amazing, a solid orgasm can help decrease stress, promote relaxation, and overall just leave us in a better mood. Still, like snowflakes, no orgasm is exactly like the other, and there are some magical moments where you feel as though you couldn’t have had a better orgasm.

But have you ever noticed that it’s sometimes hard to repeat those mind-blowing orgasms? Or that achieving orgasm feels really difficult, and maybe even impossible? Totally normal, but admittedly frustrating. Luckily, there are tons of ways to improve your climaxes. The first step is learning more about your body and understanding what’s going on under the (clitoral) hood. Here’s a rundown of what you can do.

Strengthen your core—and your pelvic floor.

Alright, say it with me: pubococcygeus muscle. Too early (or late) for long anatomic names? No worries. It’s the PC muscle, better known as your pelvic floor. And, if you’re human, you need to pay it some attention. No matter what parts your packing, your pelvic floor is responsible for a lot – including the strength of your orgasms. You know those awesome, uncontrollable contractions that accompany a big O? That’s your PC muscle doing its thing.

BUT, there are a ton of common factors that can lead to a weakened PC muscle – from time to childbirth to plain old inactivity. And, your sexual enjoyment can easily be the biggest victim. The good news is that you have a lot of options to take control of the situation.

Normally, this is where we’d push you to try a Kegel exercise, talking you through contracting your PC muscle like you were stopping the flow of urine. While Kegel exercises are amazing, we’ve kind of fallen in love with a much more comprehensive solution around here. It’s called P.volve, and we’re obsessed.

P.volve is an on-demand workout provider that focuses on “functional fitness”—an approach designed to work your body from the inside out. And, as you might have guessed, this includes your pelvic floor. Not only that, but P.volves’ unique brand of exercises improves flexibility and can relieve pain as well. Are you picking up what we’re laying down here? Stronger PC muscle… increased flexibility… confidence from a killer workout… that’s all gotta improve sex!

Oh yeah, and in addition to the stronger orgasms, when you’re actively working your pelvic floor, you can easily experience a natural increase in libido and sexual enjoyment. Win. Win.

And for the vulva owners among us, you can take all that up a notch with Yarlap, a discrete device that features AutoKegel technology. This uses gentle stimulation to put your PC muscle through an automatic exercise. Combine that with your physical workouts and you’ll have Kegels of steel, and orgasms of gold. Or something like that. You get it…

Meditate or focus on the breath.

Sometimes, anxieties creep up and don’t let us focus on our bodies, especially during sex. I’ve had times where my mind drifts to what I have to do for work and even the latest news—and those are definitely not sexy thoughts.

When I feel my mind drifting from my body, I try to reel it back in by focusing on my body in different ways. First, focus on your breathing and on how you can control it. Then, focus on things you can perceive with your five senses—sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. By doing so, you’re grounding your mind and body to what you’re experiencing at the present, rather than thinking of the past or future.

You can also practice sexual meditation with your partner to feel closer, increase intimacy, and yield better orgasms. Incorporate this practice by starting off with slow foreplay, focusing on each other’s breathing and keeping eye contact—which in itself is super hot. You’ll find that getting in touch with your body allows you to experience increased sensation, and that includes your climaxes.