Overcoming 4 Common Fears

This article was written by Amanda Kohr on SexWithEmily.com. To read the full article, please visit https://sexwithemily.com/overcoming-4-common-sex-fears/

 

“Fear is the mind-killer.”

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the world, from Dune (and its author, Frank Herbert). Not only is it artful – it’s accurate. Fear does kill off part of our mind, temporarily: when we’re scared, the outer layer of our brain shuts down. And it, the prefrontal cortex, is responsible for logic and reason. So when it goes offline, what we’ve got left is the emotional center: aka, freakout mode. 

As you and I both know, being emotional is human…but, it’s not always the best state to make a decision. 

That’s why sex fears are so common, because sex demands vulnerability – and for a lot of us, that’s scary. But sex fears (and freakouts) can be healed, especially as we release any old, shameful programming we got about sex when we were younger. I talked about these fears on my podcast recently, but here are 4 of the most common ones – plus, how you can heal them. 

Fear of rejection 

At a bar, on an app, or simply initiating sex with your partner 

Oh, what a fun fear this is: you put yourself out there, you show interest in someone…only to be met with a “no thank you.” (Or worse.) 

The interesting thing about rejection, sexual or otherwise, is that it’s a universal human experience. And yet, it can feel so personal, like there’s something wrong about you specifically: not cute enough, not sexy enough, not whatever enough to get this person’s attention…whether it’s a stranger, or your own partner.

Try: Remembering it’s probably not personal

At the end of the day, none of us are entitled to anyone’s attention. But when our interest isn’t reciprocated, it’s usually not personal. That person you tried to talk to at a bar, or on an app? Maybe they declined because they’re not in the headspace to engage right now. Or, maybe they declined because there wasn’t a spark. That’s OK! There will be a spark with someone. And when it’s your partner, maybe they turned down sex because they’re tired, stressed out, or just not feeling sexy. When we remember it’s not personal, it’s easier to have a conversation with our partner, and check in with them on how they’re doing more generally. Often, this compassion creates the easy, free space required for desire to flow. 

Fear of body judgment 

That they won’t like your body or they will be grossed out by your period

It’s one of the most common fears I hear about, as a sex educator. 

“What if I’m on my period, and it grosses out my partner?” Or: “what if my partner sees my small penis, and decides they’d rather not have sex?” Or: “what if my partner sees me naked, and doesn’t like what they see?”

These fears tend to lessen their grip, once we realize they were programmed into us by other people (advertising, porn, childhood experiences, etc.). Period sex? Put down a towel. Penis size? Penetration by a penis isn’t the thing that helps vulva owners orgasm anyway. (And if you’re doing anal play, there are a wide variety of toys out there.) Getting naked for the first time? Your partner has probably already thought about it – and tbh, they’re probably really excited. 

Try: Finding role models

Social media can have all KINDS of downsides, but one of the really great benefits is that it allows you to do an end-run around mainstream media. You know, the magazines, TV shows, movies or even porn that told you for years what an attractive body looked like, or how gross periods were, etc. etc. 

Here’s a secret: none of that is true. It’s just a matter of opinion.

So take out any social media content that inflames those insecurities, and sub in role models (or other uplifting content) that showcase your concerns in a positive, sexy light. By giving your brain new inputs around desire, attractiveness, and so on, we can shed any past programming that made us feel insecure – because remember, advertising works in part by exploiting insecurities. Instead, welcome in content that reminds you that your body (and its very normal functions) are already sexy.

 

PLEASE VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE.

Souce: https://sexwithemily.com/overcoming-4-common-sex-fears/

5 Date Ideas to Kick Off the New Year

Written by SexWithEmily.com.

I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but we’ve entered a new portal, people. And by “portal” I mean year, and by “year” I mean a unit of measurement, although after the years we’ve had, you’d be forgiven for forgetting, exactly, how we measure time.

Anyway, here’s what we can say! It’s cold. You need date ideas. And while “cozy” is the adjective du jour during these long winter nights, there’s nothing stopping you from getting your sexy on too. You just need to dress appropriately, aka layers, which will be super fun to take off later…wink wink.

So here are five sexy date ideas to inspire you this New Year, ranging from “quite adventurous” to “mixes well with pajamas.” Which one will you be lining up?

1. Make out at a drive-in movie.

It’s the 1950s! Just kidding, it’s the 2020s and this cute date has withstood the test of time. Drive-in movies are private, temperature-controlled exactly to your liking, and best of all you can kiss / cuddle / whatever you want to do, provided your parking brake is on. Just make sure the car is filled up with gas or electrically charged, and bring your own sexy snacks: who needs overpriced Good N’ Plenty when you can BYOC (bring your own chocolate)?

2. Read erotica to each other at the fireplace.

If you’re looking to practice your dirty talk without the pressure of generating it yourself, why not peruse some hot erotica? Why not read them out loud in front of a roaring fireplace? Why not find a bougie hotel with said fireplace, get all dressed up, and read them to each other there, with wine possibly in-hand? Enough with the questions – I think you know what to do.

3. Seduce your tastebuds with a cooking class.

If you, like me, think of the spaghetti scene from “Lady and the Tramp” when you read this date idea – then congratulations, we can be friends. But more to the point, this is a date concept that is both sexy and useful, because you get to take home something delicious! And what’s more, you can keep those skills next time you’re whipping up something special for each other. Oops, did you accidentally just smear some sauce across your face in the most adorable way? Guess your date will have to rub it off and gaze into your eyes, rom-com style.

 

PLEASE VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/5-sexy-date-ideas-for-new-year/