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How Swingers Can Defuse Jealous Feelings

Written by SwingersHelp.comVisit SwingersHelp.com to ready the full article.

Jealousy is an emotion that most of us experience at some point in our relationships. And even though swingers generally experience less sexual jealousy and are open to allowing other people into their relationship to some extent, swingers are no strangers to jealousy either. In this article, we will discuss a few ways to defuse jealous feelings. But first, let’s take a look at the psychology of jealousy.

All emotions serve some kind of evolutionary purpose – even anxiety and depression have their function and can help ensure our survival. (Of course, they can do exactly the opposite if left unmanaged.) And it’s the same for jealousy; it serves the purpose of protecting our relationship with a closely bonded person. It might signal that a relationship is under threat and then hurl us into action to make sure we don’t lose our loved ones. At its core, jealousy is about fear of being displaced.

Has feeling jealous ever made you kinder, more charming, and loving towards someone? Well, that’s because it’s a motivating emotion, and in that way, it can lead to good things.

But jealousy mostly feels painful and overwhelming. It can make you feel angry, possessive, hurt, rejected, or abandoned. As a result, you might start behaving in hurtful ways, like blaming or accusing your partner, pushing them away, or distancing yourself. There is also often shame attached to it. We frequently tell ourselves we shouldn’t be feeling jealous and are ashamed to admit when we do. But shame stops us from dealing with the issue and doesn’t allow us to resolve it.

This can be especially true in a swinging relationship because we see other couples seeming so carefree and imagine that they don’t experience jealousy. But we never know what happens inside someone else’s relationship. It’s likely they have been through it too and have found ways within themselves and within their relationship to overcome it. It takes time and practice to free ourselves from fear and create trusting, honest, and nurturing bonds without holding the leash too tight (unless that’s your thing, of course!).

So what can you do when you start noticing jealousy in yourself, and how can you respond when your partner shows signs of jealousy?

Accept and let go

You might notice you feel jealous when you see your partner having what seems to be too much fun with someone else at a party, or maybe your partner commented on how beautiful or sexy someone else looked the other night. Sometimes just the mention of a particular name can ignite a jealous response. When you notice that sharp pain in your chest, feel the tightening in your gut, and can’t keep up with the thoughts racing through your head – stop. Put everything on hold for a minute as you gather yourself. Take a few deep, conscious breaths from your belly and give yourself a moment.

Take stock of the situation. Instead of beating yourself up for reacting negatively or lashing out at your partner for “making” you feel insecure, try to figure out what triggered you and why. Ignoring the feeling will not make it go away. However, understanding what’s behind the emotion can help you communicate your needs to your partner.

As you breathe deeply, think of every inhalation as accepting your partner’s love. Then, as you exhale, let go of the jealousy to make room for more positive feelings.

Mindfulness

Acknowledging our feelings and focusing on our breath when we experience emotional turmoil or pain allows us to center ourselves, calm down, and take control of our thoughts. Being compassionate and forgiving yourself for feeling jealous will help slow down the racing thoughts and enable you to think more rationally.

If you experience jealousy often and it seems to be a recurring issue for you, including mindfulness in your daily routine is a great way to train the mind. Jealousy generally stems from negative thought patterns about not measuring up to someone else or being replaced. As a result, our brain is conditioned to repeat how we think about things and act in certain situations when we sense a threat (real or imagined).

The good news is that you can re-train your brain. Our thought patterns are not set in stone, and you have the power to overcome jealousy. A good exercise is to write down three positive things that happened in your day – it doesn’t matter how small or insignificant they seem. Then, focus on one or two things you love about your partner, your relationship, and even swinging. This will help you to build positive thought patterns.

Affirmations

Jealousy can result from low self-esteem and measuring yourself against others – ‘he has bigger muscles than me’ or ‘he likes her more than me.’ When we focus on the negatives or our perceived shortcomings, we lose sight of the positives. Instead, use affirmations to remind yourself that you have value exactly as you are. Keep them simple and short, like ‘I am enough,’ ‘I am desirable,’ or ‘I am kind.’ Say them out loud and repeat your affirmations several times a day, every day. Boosting your self-confidence as a swinger is a great way to avoid jealousy issues. Again, this will help your thinking to become more positive over time.

Reflection

Experiencing jealousy suggests that you feel your relationship is somehow under threat. Why do you believe that? Did something specific happen? Why are you feeling vulnerable?

Try to get to the root of your fears. Feelings of jealousy in the present tend to be tied to painful experiences of the past. Take some time to think about those things and be honest with yourself – and with your partner.

Talk to your partner

Swinging is about more than great sex and fun nights out. It’s about maintaining a strong relationship and even enhancing your bond with your own partner. That requires honest, open, and respectful communication, especially about fears and insecurities.

Talking to your partner openly can make you feel closer to each other and can prevent jealousy from happening in the first place. And when jealous feelings do pop up, you can discuss this, and they can help reassure you. If your partner understands and respects your feelings, they can take action to avoid certain triggers. This is another place where boundaries and rules come into play. Make sure you are both clear on what you are comfortable and not comfortable with. If a line is crossed, use it as an opportunity for learning.

If you find yourself experiencing jealousy during a swinging encounter, use your safe word or touch (for example, squeezing an arm in a certain way) to let your partner know you need to talk or need a time out. This can provide the necessary space for a quick debrief and can often quickly defuse any negative feelings.

If your partner expresses jealousy or unease of some kind, be patient, show compassion, and affirm your love and desire for them. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions, but having a supportive partner is vital.

 

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO VIEW THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: https://swingershelp.com/defuse-jealous-feelings/

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4 Ways to Spring Clean Your Sex (and Love) Life

Written by SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.

We’re on the cusp of the most exciting spring yet. Not only are the days getting longer and the weather warmer, but we’re also starting to see an opportunity to get back out there and socialize after a very long hibernation. People are getting vaccinated. Public spaces are opening up. We can (maybe) go on a date IRL!

To get ready, we’re looking at a new kind of spring cleaning. The phrase traditionally conjures up images of clothing donations and bathroom drawer organizers. But to really gear up for the season and come out of our pandemic pods, we want you to focus on something a little more fun—like your sex life.

So what does spring cleaning your sex life even look like? Let’s discuss.

Revamp your sex toy collection.

Over time, our nightstand drawers can become hiding places for all different kinds of toys, lubes, lotions, and other things. Use this spring as an opportunity to clear out the clutter and essentially Marie Kondo your sex life. Keep the things that bring you joy (like that massage candle you love but forgot you had), and ditch the things you’re no longer interested in.

If you find that you’re throwing away nearly everything, then it’s time to treat yourself to a new toy. For vulva-owners, the Lily Allen Womanizer is a game-changing toy that uses pleasure air technology for a unique orgasm experience. If you’ve got a penis, or know someone who does, the Arcwave Ion also uses pleasure-air technology, but in a way that stimulates the frenulum.

For even more options, the products and sex accessories at Good Vibrations offer everything from butt plugs to penis rings to bullet vibes. An organized toy collection might inspire you to masturbate more—and who wouldn’t want that?

Revisit your collection of sexy clothes.

After you’re done tidying up your sex toy drawer, move on over to your closet. Maybe you bought some lingerie for a special occasion, wore it once, and now it’s hidden in the back of your underwear drawer. There’s no rule that says you can only wear lingerie once—especially if it makes you feel good.

You’re also way more likely to wear your lingerie when it’s in one organized location. Consider designating a special space in your closet for your sexy stuff. You’ll be ten times more prepared to dress up on a casual Tuesday night when your partner is least expecting it. After all, spontaneity is hot AF.

 

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/4-ways-to-spring-clean-your-sex-and-love-life/

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How To Find The G-Spot

Written by LoveAndSexAnswers.com. Please visit LoveAndSexAnswers.com to read the full article.

Just about everyone has heard of the g-spot. It’s supposedly the “holy grail” of all female sexual stimulation – so why can’t anyone find it? If you do get lucky and find a woman’s g-spot, how to heck are you supposed to stimulate it? Here’s a quick and easy guide to simple, g-spot stimulation that works flawlessly each time and every time.

It’s amazing how many men and women don’t know how to find the g-spot! Read on to find out exactly what the g-spot is and how to find it!

What Is The G-Spot?

The g-spot is a ball of nerve endings inside a woman’s vagina. Similar to a clitoris, these nerve endings pick up sexual stimulation and allow women to have orgasms. The g-spot is important, because most of the inner vagina doesn’t have nerve endings – which is why most women can’t feel a tampon if it’s inserted properly. So to truly stimulate your partner’s vagina, it’s important to find the g-spot and learn how to stimulate it to give your partner a great internal orgasm. It also allows you to vary the types of orgasms you can give your partner, instead of relying only on clitoral orgasms.

How To Find The G-Spot

Contrary to popular belief, the g-spot isn’t terribly hard to find. It’s located just inside a woman’s vagina, on the top, right behind the pubic bone. To find the g-spot, all you have to do is insert one or two fingers inside your partner’s vagina, with your palm up. The g-spot is about finger length away from the opening of the vagina, so once your fingers are in, feel along the top of her vagina and behind the pubic bone for a spongy, bumpy spot… Visit the link below to read the full article.

 

Source:

Loveandsex. “Sex Tip: How To Find The G-Spot.” Love & Sex Answers, 24 Jan. 2018, loveandsexanswers.com/sex-tip-how-to-find-the-g-spot-video/.

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Easy Steps to Start Exploring Kink With Your Partner

Written by SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.

When many of us hear the word “kink,” we often envision iconic scenes from 50 Shades of Gray and its classic depictions of whips, chains, and blindfolds. And yes, while kink can totally include those things, it’s actually much simpler than that. In reality, kink is any sexual act that falls outside what is regarded as “conventional sexual activity.”

Of course, this makes kink entirely subjective to the couple. Maybe you’re an expert at restraints but haven’t experimented yet with roleplay. Or maybe you and your partner stick to missionary and doggy-style so sex outside would be considered kink for you.

There are so many different ways to express kink, but the common factor is that it’s something outside of your sexual comfort zone. And because that might be a bit intimidating, we’ve investigated some tools for how you can make kink (or maybe even more kink) work for your relationship, no matter where you are on the sexual spectrum. Let’s discuss the 4 steps you can take:

1. Have an open conversation.

The first step is always to have a conversation. Your sex life won’t change unless you talk about it! But once you start getting into the habit of talking about sex as casually as you discuss the weather, it’ll become much easier to approach awkward or challenging conversations.

If your partner doesn’t know about your interest in exploring kink, opt to bring it up at a time when you’re both feeling awake, but not stressed. (And definitely don’t start a sex convo in the middle of a fight, when you’re tired, or if you’ve been drinking too much.) Opt for a neutral environment like the living room or while you’re on a walk. Say: “Hey, I LOVE our sex life, and I’ve been hearing about kink. Would you want to learn more about it with me?”  (You can also check out our Guide to Better Communication for some amazing tips!)

If you and your partner already know you’re both down to try kinking it up, then you can focus more on what you specifically want to explore. This brings us to step number two…

2. Find common ground.

There’s no “one way” or “right way” to explore kink. As we mentioned earlier, kink is anything that falls outside of the more “traditional” sexual norms. Handcuffs? Sex outside? A sex swing? Cuckolding? All of the above? It’s really unlimited! And while there are some great entry-level kinks for beginners, what you and your partner explore will depend on your own unique desires.

Our Yes, No, Maybe List is a great way to explore different things that you and your partner want to try with another. Simply fill out the list, compare answers, and see where your sexual stars align.

 

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE: 

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/4-easy-steps-to-start-exploring-kink-with-a-partner/