Category: Lifestyle News


5 Best Ways to Have Sex Outside

Written by Amanda Kohr on Visit to read the full article.

Sex outside is one of the most common fantasies. Why? Well for starters it’s taboo—sex in a public place is a no-no, and even if you manage to avoid the authorities, there’s still a chance someone else will see. For many, the thrill of “breaking the rules” alone is enough to get your sexual wheels turning, especially if you or your partner experience arousal at the thought of getting caught.

And while we never condone breaking the law, we can certainly empathize with the desire to get it on outdoors. For one thing, the thought of someone watching you have sex can be incredibly erotic. In fact, it’s so common that we have a name for it: exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which a person feels aroused at the idea or the reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others. For example, have you ever walked past a window in your birthday suit and thought, “I don’t care who sees!” Or maybe you even felt a little turned on? That’s exhibitionism at play.

Of course, there are other things that contribute to the eroticism of sex outside. Some people simply love the connection with nature or feeling the wind on their bare skin while experiencing all the feel-good chemicals from sex. In either case, it can be hard to find the right locations for sex outside. (Especially because getting arrested is so not sexy.)

Luckily, we’ve compiled a list of the best locations for how to have sex outside. Happy exploring—and don’t forget the sunblock.

1. Take a Hike 

Hiking is great because trees and giant boulders often present lots of opportunities to hide. (Though this isn’t necessarily the case if you’re hiking in the desert, so location matters.) The next time you and your partner want to venture out into the wilderness, choose a time and trail where you’re likely not to see as much traffic. If you’re opting for penetrative sex, have the person being penetrated bend over and put their hands on a tree or rock for support. Remember to avoid poison ivy!

Pro Tip: Keep as much clothing on as possible so that you can cover up if you hear footsteps. If you’re worried about getting caught, opt for some hand and mouth stuff, for even an outdoorsy round of oral.

2. On a Balcony 

A balcony is a sly way to have sex outside because you’re technically still on private property—just make sure you’re doing it at night and don’t live near kids! You can also maintain some privacy if one of you is wearing a dress and going commando. Your partner can simply lift it up and do their thing with their hands, genitals, or even mouth. This is an especially great spot if you’re on vacation and your balcony overlooks the ocean or a forest. You get all of the excitement of being close to nature, while still having your room right next door should you need to make a quick getaway.




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The 7 Best Foreplay Moves For Her

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Women are complicated creatures!  There is no one foreplay move that works on all women nor do all women like the same things!  What worked for your last girl might not work with your current girl – and that can be super frustrating if all you want to do is please her. (Oh, and that should be your main goal).

Although women are all different, here are some foreplay tips at work for most women most of the time…

Foreplay Tip #1 – Worship Her

You can do this anytime, all the time.  Make her feel like the most important sexiest women in the world!  Show her that you have never been with a more perfect woman.  Praise her body, in every way.  From her eyes to her boobs. You need to make her feel like a million dollars and let he know you feel like the luckiest man in the world to be able to touch her and kiss her.

Foreplay Tip #2 – Tease Her

Do not go straight for the honey!  Spend some time opening the jar.  IN other words, don’t go from kissing to sex right away, take your time and get her turned on.

Women need a lot more foreplay and longer foreplay then guys do so remember that even if you are ready to go she might need more kissing, more touching more more more! But the more you do the better it will feel to her because the longer you wait to have sex the more turned on she will be!  So tease her!

Even if she starts to beg, build her anticipation and really get her ready for you.

Foreplay Tip #3 – Go Down On Her

You know how much you love a good old bj? Well, she too will love a little tongue action.  Did you know the clitoris only purpose is for pleasure?  It has no other use except to make women feel amazing.  So spend some time and lick her, suck her, flick her etc.

If you don’t know what she likes, then have her show you on your palm.  Or ask her!  Some women push men away from giving them oral but that is normally because she hasn’t had someone really show her a good time down there, you could be the guy to do it!!




Pegging 101

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Let’s cut to the chase: pegging is in. And for very good reason. 

A sex act where one person wears a strap-on dildo, and uses it to penetrate the anus of their partner, “pegging” as a term is relatively new…but the practice is not. It can be traced back as far as Ancient Egypt (what can’t?), but it wasn’t until 2001 when Dan Savage coined the term with the help of his Savage Love community. And thus, a star sex phrase was born. 

While anyone can be penetrated, there’s a special benefit for penis owners. Just like vulva owners have G-spot orgasms – those deep, internal orgasms that feel like your entire core is throbbing – penis owners can have prostate or “P-spot” orgasms, which yield a similarly internal, explosive O. How? By having their prostate gland stimulated, accessible only via the anus. Enter: the strap-on dildo. 

Since 2020, sales of strap-ons have increased nearly 200% for online sex toy retailer Lovehoney, and that’s just one brand, folks. Likely due to increased pop culture exposure (think Broad City) and our ever-evolving views of masculinity and femininity, more folks feel liberated now to try it. So how do you dive in?

Let’s discuss the 4 “pegs” of pegging, so you can have satisfying strap-on sex. Remember: you do not have to be an adult film actor to pull this off! Unless you are one already, in which case, keep shining. 

1. Who can peg?

Anyone. While prostate stimulation is a treat for penis owners, there’s only a thin membrane wall in the anus separating a vulva owner from their G-spot. If they are pegged, they can experience an anal orgasm as well, which is SO great. 

2. How does it work?

Maybe it sounds straightforward – strap on dildo, penetrate partner – but there’s a looot to consider to have your best strap-on sex.

  • The first is prep. Just like you wouldn’t pop into the splits without stretching, the same goes for our sphincter muscles. If someone is going to be pegged (the “pegee” if you will), they would be wise to do some anal training in advance. This can happen alone or with a partner: a partner can give them digital penetration to help their sphincter muscles relax and become more pliable. But alone, the pegee can insert butt plugs during solo or partnered sex, or truly…anytime. Plugs train the sphincter muscles to “give” more during penetration, and do not worry, you can’t permanently stretch out your anus. This step simply adds more elasticity to your already elastic anal opening. 
  • Another note, pegees. It’s not a bad idea to clean out 30 to 60 minutes before playtime, with a body-safe enema. While waste is actually not stored in your anus – it’s stored in your upper bowels – fecal matter can be present in the lower bowels. Not a huge deal, but if you know you’d feel more secure if you’re sparkling clean there, consider this step. 
  • Next: the person doing the pegging (the “pegger”) should get comfortable with their strap-on. That could look like literally walking around the house in it, to make sure nothing is chafing or feeling uncomfortable. What you want to feel is a firm, snug fit with your harness or underwear, so that it doesn’t feel like anything is slipping off, but neither is it so tight you’re losing blood circulation. 
  • Finally, let’s talk in-the-moment foreplay and positions. Before jumping right into pegging, I recommend ample anal play first, such as fingering or rimming. Not only are these things super erotic, they build anticipation for the fireworks to come.

As for positions, please apply lots of lube and consider the following: do you want the pegee to set the rhythm, or the pegger? 




Overcoming 4 Common Fears

This article was written by Amanda Kohr on To read the full article, please visit


“Fear is the mind-killer.”

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the world, from Dune (and its author, Frank Herbert). Not only is it artful – it’s accurate. Fear does kill off part of our mind, temporarily: when we’re scared, the outer layer of our brain shuts down. And it, the prefrontal cortex, is responsible for logic and reason. So when it goes offline, what we’ve got left is the emotional center: aka, freakout mode. 

As you and I both know, being emotional is human…but, it’s not always the best state to make a decision. 

That’s why sex fears are so common, because sex demands vulnerability – and for a lot of us, that’s scary. But sex fears (and freakouts) can be healed, especially as we release any old, shameful programming we got about sex when we were younger. I talked about these fears on my podcast recently, but here are 4 of the most common ones – plus, how you can heal them. 

Fear of rejection 

At a bar, on an app, or simply initiating sex with your partner 

Oh, what a fun fear this is: you put yourself out there, you show interest in someone…only to be met with a “no thank you.” (Or worse.) 

The interesting thing about rejection, sexual or otherwise, is that it’s a universal human experience. And yet, it can feel so personal, like there’s something wrong about you specifically: not cute enough, not sexy enough, not whatever enough to get this person’s attention…whether it’s a stranger, or your own partner.

Try: Remembering it’s probably not personal

At the end of the day, none of us are entitled to anyone’s attention. But when our interest isn’t reciprocated, it’s usually not personal. That person you tried to talk to at a bar, or on an app? Maybe they declined because they’re not in the headspace to engage right now. Or, maybe they declined because there wasn’t a spark. That’s OK! There will be a spark with someone. And when it’s your partner, maybe they turned down sex because they’re tired, stressed out, or just not feeling sexy. When we remember it’s not personal, it’s easier to have a conversation with our partner, and check in with them on how they’re doing more generally. Often, this compassion creates the easy, free space required for desire to flow. 

Fear of body judgment 

That they won’t like your body or they will be grossed out by your period

It’s one of the most common fears I hear about, as a sex educator. 

“What if I’m on my period, and it grosses out my partner?” Or: “what if my partner sees my small penis, and decides they’d rather not have sex?” Or: “what if my partner sees me naked, and doesn’t like what they see?”

These fears tend to lessen their grip, once we realize they were programmed into us by other people (advertising, porn, childhood experiences, etc.). Period sex? Put down a towel. Penis size? Penetration by a penis isn’t the thing that helps vulva owners orgasm anyway. (And if you’re doing anal play, there are a wide variety of toys out there.) Getting naked for the first time? Your partner has probably already thought about it – and tbh, they’re probably really excited. 

Try: Finding role models

Social media can have all KINDS of downsides, but one of the really great benefits is that it allows you to do an end-run around mainstream media. You know, the magazines, TV shows, movies or even porn that told you for years what an attractive body looked like, or how gross periods were, etc. etc. 

Here’s a secret: none of that is true. It’s just a matter of opinion.

So take out any social media content that inflames those insecurities, and sub in role models (or other uplifting content) that showcase your concerns in a positive, sexy light. By giving your brain new inputs around desire, attractiveness, and so on, we can shed any past programming that made us feel insecure – because remember, advertising works in part by exploiting insecurities. Instead, welcome in content that reminds you that your body (and its very normal functions) are already sexy.





5 Date Ideas to Kick Off the New Year

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I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but we’ve entered a new portal, people. And by “portal” I mean year, and by “year” I mean a unit of measurement, although after the years we’ve had, you’d be forgiven for forgetting, exactly, how we measure time.

Anyway, here’s what we can say! It’s cold. You need date ideas. And while “cozy” is the adjective du jour during these long winter nights, there’s nothing stopping you from getting your sexy on too. You just need to dress appropriately, aka layers, which will be super fun to take off later…wink wink.

So here are five sexy date ideas to inspire you this New Year, ranging from “quite adventurous” to “mixes well with pajamas.” Which one will you be lining up?

1. Make out at a drive-in movie.

It’s the 1950s! Just kidding, it’s the 2020s and this cute date has withstood the test of time. Drive-in movies are private, temperature-controlled exactly to your liking, and best of all you can kiss / cuddle / whatever you want to do, provided your parking brake is on. Just make sure the car is filled up with gas or electrically charged, and bring your own sexy snacks: who needs overpriced Good N’ Plenty when you can BYOC (bring your own chocolate)?

2. Read erotica to each other at the fireplace.

If you’re looking to practice your dirty talk without the pressure of generating it yourself, why not peruse some hot erotica? Why not read them out loud in front of a roaring fireplace? Why not find a bougie hotel with said fireplace, get all dressed up, and read them to each other there, with wine possibly in-hand? Enough with the questions – I think you know what to do.

3. Seduce your tastebuds with a cooking class.

If you, like me, think of the spaghetti scene from “Lady and the Tramp” when you read this date idea – then congratulations, we can be friends. But more to the point, this is a date concept that is both sexy and useful, because you get to take home something delicious! And what’s more, you can keep those skills next time you’re whipping up something special for each other. Oops, did you accidentally just smear some sauce across your face in the most adorable way? Guess your date will have to rub it off and gaze into your eyes, rom-com style.




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Navigating MFF Swinger Threesomes

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So you’ve both decided to live out your fantasy of bringing another woman into your bed. Great. Now what? Agreeing to pursue a fantasy is just the first step of turning a dream into reality. Navigating a new sexual activity, regardless of what it is, with your partner can be challenging even under the best of circumstances.

Whenever you and your significant other consider expanding your relationship boundaries, many conversations must be had, words of affirmation that must be said, and a lot of trust that must be earned. Making sure that everyone has been able to express their wants, needs, and boundaries is essential.

Before jumping into bed with a third person, the first thing to do is talk about why you want a threesome and what you want to happen during the encounter. Take the time to assess the health of your relationship to determine if you are ready for a threesome. Make sure that the prospect is exciting to both of you and that neither feels pressured to live out the other’s fantasy.

Once you’ve determined that it is something that you both want, take time to discuss the details.

Essential topics to include in your discussion:

  • Who will be your third? Discuss your preferences for choosing a stranger versus someone you already know.
  • Are any activities off-limits? Don’t make the mistake of assuming that your idea of a perfect threesome is the same as your partner’s. Be clear if intercourse with the unicorn is okay with both of you (and, if so, what kind or kinds). You will also want to have this conversation with the woman you decide to bring to bed too! As in all lifestyle activities, consent is crucial.
  • Where will the encounter take place? Some couples prefer to play at home while others prefer hotels or lifestyle clubs. If you choose to host at home, decide if you want to use your primary bedroom or another location in your home.
  • Will this be a one-night stand, or are you hoping for an ongoing arrangement? This preference could impact the unicorn you choose as some women are only interested in single encounters while some prefer ongoing arrangements and others have no preference.
  • How will you check in with each other during your play session? Agree on a few verbal and non-verbal cues that will enable you to communicate with each other discreetly. These secret signals will help clarify whether moving forward is okay or if things need to slow down.

Finding Your Unicorn

If you already know the woman you want to invite to join your three-way action, please feel free to skip to the next section.

For many couples, finding the right person for their MFF is the hardest part. As with couple swaps, clear chemistry between all parties is vital but not easy to find. Swinger dating sites are a great place to start if you are looking for a single (or attached, non-monogamous) woman interested in playing with couples. Local lifestyle clubs can also be good venues for finding your potential fit.

Some couples prefer a more old-school route and choose to seek out their bedmates at vanilla bars. This approach tends to have a lower success rate, but it does offer a great couple’s night out if nothing else.

Common Feelings and How to Handle them

As we stated earlier, there are specific common feelings associated with the idea of a threesome, and they must be fully dealt with before it happens.

  1. Consent is Crucial

If you are committed to your partner, a threesome should not happen unless she is onboard with it. Consent is the most important thing to tick off the checklist, and each person has to be sure that it is what they want. It is vital that no one feels coerced or forced to agree, and once this part is settled, you can address other feelings.

  1. It is normal to get excited.

The idea of a threesome completely turns many people on. This is because they get to experience someone new sexually, watch their partner have sex with someone else, and even learn an adventurous and fresh sexual style. It is an avenue for you and your partner to live out a fantasy in the comfort of your relationship, and it is exciting to consider. Also, imagine how incredible it would feel to be stimulated by two people at once! Adding another female to your routine can give you intense pleasure and a fantastic orgasmic release.

  1. How to ask for a threesome?

Another common feeling people have when discussing threesomes with their partners is a possible lack of trust and confidence in the relationship.  It is important to begin any suggestion of a threesome by first restating your commitment to your partner and your existing relationship. How you present the idea will greatly influence how it is received. Try to reassure your partner by saying things like, “I think this would be so hot to share with you,” “This is a way to switch things up in the bedroom,” or “I want us to experience something different together.”  Statements like these focus on the benefits to the relationship rather than on just one person’s fantasies.

However, if you and your partner already have trust, jealousy, or commitment issues, suggesting a threesome will add fuel to the already bursting flames. In this case, you should wait till after you work out your problems and you are both in a safe, happy space in the relationship.




How to Master the Lotus Position

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Let’s cut right to the chase: are you one for intimate, eye contact-filled, almost-no-physical-space-between-your-two-bodies sex? If that’s the case, allow me to introduce you to lotus: a sex position you may have tried before, even if you didn’t know its name.

I had Barbara Carellas of Urban Tantra on the show recently, who gave us the low-down on tantric sex and its benefits: deep partner connection, energy orgasms, full-body stimulation. And the most famous tantric position of all? The lotus. I love it so much, I devoted part of my Masterclass to it – and now, I’m gonna break it down for you.

What is the lotus position?

Lotus involves the penetrating partner sitting down, criss-cross applesauce, with the receiving partner seated in their lap – facing towards them chest-to-chest, legs straddling the torso. From here, either vaginal penetration or anal penetration can occur, through a penis, dildo, or fingers.

Why try it?

This position is tantric not necessarily due to its configuration, but because of the intimate energy, it fosters between partners. You can be slow and soulful, or vigorous and wild – all with relative hand freedom, not to mention a nice angle to nibble each other’s necks, or caress each other’s thighs.

Because it’s physically comfortable (with none of the safety precautions of, say, reverse cowgirl), this makes lotus versatile enough to match your mood. Do you feel like making love? Lotus is your friend. Do you want a quickie on a solid surface? Again – lotus! You can infuse this position with tons of romance and heat, given the super-close proximity.

What are the benefits?

Vulva owners love the lotus because it allows for generous clitoral stimulation: you can rub it on your partner’s torso, lean back and use a toy on it, or have the receiving partner press it with their fingers. There’s also a pretty sexy view happening here – so sexy, that if you’re a penis owner, a delay spray might be in order. Look no further than Promescent if you’re in the market; it helps those sensitive nerve endings in the penis chill out a bit, so orgasms can happen with more control.

Another rad benefit: it’s accessible! As in, it’s not exclusive to able bodies. Lotus can happen with one person in a wheelchair, with lots of room for the vulva or anal play.

How can I spice it up?

Not gonna lie – lotus is already pretty spicy! But many physical variations can happen here, making lotus easy to tailor to your most ideal sexual experience. You can try…

  • Having the receiving partner brace their hands behind them, and lean back
  • Conversely, embracing each other tight, heart-to-heart
  • Turning it into a slow grind, with lots of deep penetration
  • Having the receiving partner wrap their legs tight around the other person’s torso
  • Having the penetrating partner grab the hips or butt of the other person
  • Bouncing
  • Making out while you do it
  • Mouth-on-nipple action
  • Having the receiving partner drape their legs over the penetrating partner’s shoulders (note – this requires legit hamstring flexibility. But if you have a vulva and can pull it off, all the better to hit your G-Spot.) We call this “Draped Lotus.”
  • Flipping around: the receiving partner switches their position, so their back is to their partner’s chest

As you can see, there are loooots of ways to innovate and make lotus your own.

Any drawbacks?

Not many. The lotus (or the “yab-yum” as it’s called in Tantra) has been around for, literally, thousands of years. That being said, there are a few things you should know:

  • The top partner is putting all of their body weight on the bottom partner, so bottom partners: speak up if that’s uncomfortable!
  • It also requires the bottom partner to have pretty open hips. If you don’t, but would like to try lotus, consider practicing another lotus position: the one we find in yoga.

Can we get spiritual?

Absolutely! To tap into the tantric side of the lotus, introduce additional tantric principles during the position to enhance the intimacy and connection. You can try…

  • Breathing deeply
  • Gazing into each other’s eyes
  • Staying mindful of your body’s pleasure
  • Moving in slow, meaningful rhythms

These are just a few tantric principles that can help you make the most of this deeply intimate position.

Sound wonderful? Yeah, it does. Now go out and enjoy all the connection – and pleasure – lotus has to offer.



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5 Ways For You to Maximize Your Orgasms

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Real talk: orgasms are the best. In addition to physically feeling amazing, a solid orgasm can help decrease stress, promote relaxation, and overall just leave us in a better mood. Still, like snowflakes, no orgasm is exactly like the other, and there are some magical moments where you feel as though you couldn’t have had a better orgasm.

But have you ever noticed that it’s sometimes hard to repeat those mind-blowing orgasms? Or that achieving orgasm feels really difficult, and maybe even impossible? Totally normal, but admittedly frustrating. Luckily, there are tons of ways to improve your climaxes. The first step is learning more about your body and understanding what’s going on under the (clitoral) hood. Here’s a rundown of what you can do.

Strengthen your core—and your pelvic floor.

Alright, say it with me: pubococcygeus muscle. Too early (or late) for long anatomic names? No worries. It’s the PC muscle, better known as your pelvic floor. And, if you’re human, you need to pay it some attention. No matter what parts your packing, your pelvic floor is responsible for a lot – including the strength of your orgasms. You know those awesome, uncontrollable contractions that accompany a big O? That’s your PC muscle doing its thing.

BUT, there are a ton of common factors that can lead to a weakened PC muscle – from time to childbirth to plain old inactivity. And, your sexual enjoyment can easily be the biggest victim. The good news is that you have a lot of options to take control of the situation.

Normally, this is where we’d push you to try a Kegel exercise, talking you through contracting your PC muscle like you were stopping the flow of urine. While Kegel exercises are amazing, we’ve kind of fallen in love with a much more comprehensive solution around here. It’s called P.volve, and we’re obsessed.

P.volve is an on-demand workout provider that focuses on “functional fitness”—an approach designed to work your body from the inside out. And, as you might have guessed, this includes your pelvic floor. Not only that, but P.volves’ unique brand of exercises improves flexibility and can relieve pain as well. Are you picking up what we’re laying down here? Stronger PC muscle… increased flexibility… confidence from a killer workout… that’s all gotta improve sex!

Oh yeah, and in addition to the stronger orgasms, when you’re actively working your pelvic floor, you can easily experience a natural increase in libido and sexual enjoyment. Win. Win.

And for the vulva owners among us, you can take all that up a notch with Yarlap, a discrete device that features AutoKegel technology. This uses gentle stimulation to put your PC muscle through an automatic exercise. Combine that with your physical workouts and you’ll have Kegels of steel, and orgasms of gold. Or something like that. You get it…

Meditate or focus on the breath.

Sometimes, anxieties creep up and don’t let us focus on our bodies, especially during sex. I’ve had times where my mind drifts to what I have to do for work and even the latest news—and those are definitely not sexy thoughts.

When I feel my mind drifting from my body, I try to reel it back in by focusing on my body in different ways. First, focus on your breathing and on how you can control it. Then, focus on things you can perceive with your five senses—sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. By doing so, you’re grounding your mind and body to what you’re experiencing at the present, rather than thinking of the past or future.

You can also practice sexual meditation with your partner to feel closer, increase intimacy, and yield better orgasms. Incorporate this practice by starting off with slow foreplay, focusing on each other’s breathing and keeping eye contact—which in itself is super hot. You’ll find that getting in touch with your body allows you to experience increased sensation, and that includes your climaxes.




Confidently Restarting Your Swinger Fun

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Feeling a little unsure of yourself after taking an extended break from swinging?  Maybe you were pregnant, maybe you were focusing on your relationship, or stuck in a pandemic lockdown.  You’ve handled the challenge.  Now you are ready to restart having fun again but you are worried.

Relax!  We are here to help guide you back to your sexy glory.  It can be a bit of a challenge to re-enter the swinging lifestyle after taking a long break.   We have several tips & coping techniques to combat any troublesome feelings that might pop-up as you reclaim your sexy swinger membership.

Reconnect with Yourself

Before you share yourself with others, take a moment to think if you are ready for this.  Think about what you liked and didn’t like about swinging, why you took the break, and why you think it is the right time to restart.  Make sure your partner feels the same way.  One of you might need more time until you are ready to move forward.

If you are having a hard time getting out of the vanilla mindset, you can vicariously reconnect with the swinging community by listening to some swinger podcasts or checking out a swinger blog.

Pamper Yourself

Give yourself some self-love.  Freshen up your hairstyle, buy a new outfit that makes you feel amazing.  If money is tight, you can have an old outfit tailored to better fit you.  Work out with your partner to get into better shape and hey who doesn’t enjoy seeing their sexy partner looking sexy while they workout.  Then you can have some fun showering together after your workouts.

When was the last time you fooled around in the shower?  Trying new things is a good way to break the rut and remind you what it is like having fun with new people doing things differently.

Practice At Home

Do some roleplaying with your own partner. This will help both of you mentally prepare and feel more comfortable when it comes time again to be naked in front of others.

Consider doing some virtual swinger dates from the comfort of your own home.  Virtual dates allow you to slowly ease back into the lifestyle while still being surrounded by all the comforts of your own home.




5 Tips For The Best Handjob

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Handjobs might be one of the most underrated sex moves out there. Perhaps that’s because a handjob is often associated with youth and immaturity. Maybe it’s something you did in your BF’s basement when you were in 10th grade. But despite its reputation, a good handjob can be a great way to change up your bedroom routine and variety and bring you closer to your partner.

Like many things, a solid handjob is all about delivery—no one wants a half-hearted handjob. There’s an art to it! To help you create a memorable and hands-on (sorry, couldn’t help it) sexual experience, we’ve assembled our top five tips for a great handjob. Let’s discuss:

1. Make it a full-body experience.

One of the best ways to dial up your handjob game is by gifting your partner a complete sensual experience. Light a few candles (we love massage candles), put on something sexy, and kick things off by giving your partner a full-body massage. Straddle them as they lie face down and rub their back, shoulders, and neck to create an aura of relaxation.

When you’re done rubbing their back, have them turn over for the rest of their massage. You might consider adding in some lube or oil to help make the experience slick n’ sexy.

2. Lube it up.

Speaking of lube, it’s a necessity in handjob land. Penises don’t self-lubricate, making it nearly impossible to give a good handjob without some form of lube. Add a few drops and feel free to generously reapply. Remember: friction is the enemy of the handjob and there’s no such thing as too much slip and slide.

There are so many different options you might consider; water-based or silicone is good if you plan on having penetrative sex right after the handjob, but oil might be fun if you’re having a hands-only experience.

3. Play with technique.

To help make the experience feel good for your partner, try playing with some new techniques and learn what they like best.

One recommendation is to use two hands. You don’t necessarily need to constantly use both of your hands at the same time, but double the handy-work is double the sensation. Wrap your hand(s) around the shaft and begin to gauge the pressure and rhythm that your partner likes the most. (You can typically tell by moans, the change in breathing patterns, etc.) Consider adding a few twisting motions, or a “milking” technique.

Another key element is the grip. Don’t clasp too hard; instead, keep a loose grip with your focus on movement. Occasionally graze your fingers over the head of the penis, frenulum, and scrotum. Some penis owners like it when you cup their balls, so see if they prefer a gentle versus firm hold. Switch between using your fingertips and your whole hand. You can also experiment with anal or nipple play simultaneously. Once you learn what your partner likes, you can repeat it over and over again.