Written by Rose Breedlove on SexWithEmily.com
Threesomes: everyone’s talking about them, it’s “the cool thing to do,” but how many are actually partaking?
Some jump in deep, and many seem to be open to the idea, only to become hesitant when it comes to stripping down.
It’s that inner battle of being open to a three-way, the itch to try it out, topped with the fear of possible negative repercussions.
If you’re single and happen to find two others who are also down to partake– I say go for it. You really don’t have anything to lose and one great story to gain. If you’re in a relationship and desire a threesome with your significant other, I am still all for it… But there are a few tips to keep in mind.
NOT THE WAY TO RE-SPARK A FLAME
Threesomes can easily backfire. Yes, there have been couples that have done a three-way to make their sex life more thrilling, and it worked. Those few are the exception. Most of the time, if one or both partners are looking at this as a way to reignite the spark, there are more problems in the bedroom than a beautiful unicorn can solve.
Your partner might think that they’re not pleasing you anymore, that they are not enough for you, and that’s why you’re looking elsewhere. Even if they never felt that way before, they might after– insecurities can come post threesome. Maybe you realize that sex with just them won’t be enough anymore, or vis versa. It’s a pretty difficult thought to get out of your head once it’s there.
If you are looking to spice up your sex life there are numerous other ways to do so without another person. Try them out first and, if all goes well, bring in the third troop after!
SAME PAGE, SAME PAGE
If both of you are 100% on board with three’s company, then you have the green light for some fun! However, if one of you needs a lot of prodding, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
If someone’s having doubts from the get-go, and I mean real doubts, they might end up with a world of regret and resentment on their shoulders after-the-fact. So make sure they aren’t just acquiescing to your request.
THE 3RD IS NOT A TOY
The person you bring in as your third is not solely there for your pleasure– unless you find a hard core submissive-slave who only wants to please.
You need to treat them with respect and make sure they are enjoying themselves just as much as you and your beau. In return, the third needs to show the couple respect by honoring their boundaries. So, if there’s a “no kissing between the third and the male” request, that needs to be upheld.
Let me tell you about a threesome gone wrong.
Once upon a time, I had a threesome with an incredibly sweet couple. They took me out to dinner and made me a plate of dessert in bed. Next thing I know, I have electrodes on my privates– which I enjoyed. After an hour– not so much. Then, they had me please them only how they wanted, with no regard to me. I was headed home without ever getting off.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
Be very cautious about who is holding your attention. It can cause jealousy and there is a high chance someone will feel left out. With any combination of genders, these emotions can sneak up on all of us. Once it hits, it’s like a wrecking ball that can demolish any experience.
A friend and I once tried to surprise her boyfriend with a threesome. She and I decided to get started, so when he walked in the door, all he had to do was drop trouser and jump in! Instead, he turned the corner, saw us, and stormed right back out.
Another not-so-successful threesome, began with the guy getting so excited, he threw me up against the wall, proceeding to stick his tongue down my throat. Needless to say, his girlfriend got so jealous, she locked herself in the bathroom.
WHO’S IT GONNA BE?
FFM, FMM, FFF, MMM, MNBM, – What’s it going to be? Most tend to choose FFM because, let’s face it, female-female sexual interaction is greatly encouraged by our society while male-male is still considered greatly taboo. If you are going to do FFM, let it be lady’s choice. Then, when you get them in the bedroom, take another step back and allow the ladies to get to know each other personally and physically. Forewarning, FFM can bring up a lot of insecurities, it’s the man’s job is to make sure both women are happy first. Then he can get taken care of.
The path less traveled (which I highly recommend trying) is FMM. This can be more challenging to get going because a good amount of straight men aren’t exactly comfortable in the presence of another naked man. Also, it can be pretty intimidating for the woman as well (even one penis can be daunting). However, these types of threesomes can be crazy pleasurable. Think about it this way– men have one tool, but every women has three holes to play with. The best part? The men never have to touch if they don’t want to!
In a relationship or single, when bringing up a threesome have an open and honest communication. Make sure everyone is excited about it, clear on all boundaries, and have fun.