Written by SwingersHelp.com. Visit SwingersHelp.com to ready the full article.

Jealousy is an emotion that most of us experience at some point in our relationships. And even though swingers generally experience less sexual jealousy and are open to allowing other people into their relationship to some extent, swingers are no strangers to jealousy either. In this article, we will discuss a few ways to defuse jealous feelings. But first, let’s take a look at the psychology of jealousy.

All emotions serve some kind of evolutionary purpose – even anxiety and depression have their function and can help ensure our survival. (Of course, they can do exactly the opposite if left unmanaged.) And it’s the same for jealousy; it serves the purpose of protecting our relationship with a closely bonded person. It might signal that a relationship is under threat and then hurl us into action to make sure we don’t lose our loved ones. At its core, jealousy is about fear of being displaced.

Has feeling jealous ever made you kinder, more charming, and loving towards someone? Well, that’s because it’s a motivating emotion, and in that way, it can lead to good things.

But jealousy mostly feels painful and overwhelming. It can make you feel angry, possessive, hurt, rejected, or abandoned. As a result, you might start behaving in hurtful ways, like blaming or accusing your partner, pushing them away, or distancing yourself. There is also often shame attached to it. We frequently tell ourselves we shouldn’t be feeling jealous and are ashamed to admit when we do. But shame stops us from dealing with the issue and doesn’t allow us to resolve it.

This can be especially true in a swinging relationship because we see other couples seeming so carefree and imagine that they don’t experience jealousy. But we never know what happens inside someone else’s relationship. It’s likely they have been through it too and have found ways within themselves and within their relationship to overcome it. It takes time and practice to free ourselves from fear and create trusting, honest, and nurturing bonds without holding the leash too tight (unless that’s your thing, of course!).

So what can you do when you start noticing jealousy in yourself, and how can you respond when your partner shows signs of jealousy?

Accept and let go

You might notice you feel jealous when you see your partner having what seems to be too much fun with someone else at a party, or maybe your partner commented on how beautiful or sexy someone else looked the other night. Sometimes just the mention of a particular name can ignite a jealous response. When you notice that sharp pain in your chest, feel the tightening in your gut, and can’t keep up with the thoughts racing through your head – stop. Put everything on hold for a minute as you gather yourself. Take a few deep, conscious breaths from your belly and give yourself a moment.

Take stock of the situation. Instead of beating yourself up for reacting negatively or lashing out at your partner for “making” you feel insecure, try to figure out what triggered you and why. Ignoring the feeling will not make it go away. However, understanding what’s behind the emotion can help you communicate your needs to your partner.

As you breathe deeply, think of every inhalation as accepting your partner’s love. Then, as you exhale, let go of the jealousy to make room for more positive feelings.

Mindfulness

Acknowledging our feelings and focusing on our breath when we experience emotional turmoil or pain allows us to center ourselves, calm down, and take control of our thoughts. Being compassionate and forgiving yourself for feeling jealous will help slow down the racing thoughts and enable you to think more rationally.

If you experience jealousy often and it seems to be a recurring issue for you, including mindfulness in your daily routine is a great way to train the mind. Jealousy generally stems from negative thought patterns about not measuring up to someone else or being replaced. As a result, our brain is conditioned to repeat how we think about things and act in certain situations when we sense a threat (real or imagined).

The good news is that you can re-train your brain. Our thought patterns are not set in stone, and you have the power to overcome jealousy. A good exercise is to write down three positive things that happened in your day – it doesn’t matter how small or insignificant they seem. Then, focus on one or two things you love about your partner, your relationship, and even swinging. This will help you to build positive thought patterns.

Affirmations

Jealousy can result from low self-esteem and measuring yourself against others – ‘he has bigger muscles than me’ or ‘he likes her more than me.’ When we focus on the negatives or our perceived shortcomings, we lose sight of the positives. Instead, use affirmations to remind yourself that you have value exactly as you are. Keep them simple and short, like ‘I am enough,’ ‘I am desirable,’ or ‘I am kind.’ Say them out loud and repeat your affirmations several times a day, every day. Boosting your self-confidence as a swinger is a great way to avoid jealousy issues. Again, this will help your thinking to become more positive over time.

Reflection

Experiencing jealousy suggests that you feel your relationship is somehow under threat. Why do you believe that? Did something specific happen? Why are you feeling vulnerable?

Try to get to the root of your fears. Feelings of jealousy in the present tend to be tied to painful experiences of the past. Take some time to think about those things and be honest with yourself – and with your partner.

Talk to your partner

Swinging is about more than great sex and fun nights out. It’s about maintaining a strong relationship and even enhancing your bond with your own partner. That requires honest, open, and respectful communication, especially about fears and insecurities.

Talking to your partner openly can make you feel closer to each other and can prevent jealousy from happening in the first place. And when jealous feelings do pop up, you can discuss this, and they can help reassure you. If your partner understands and respects your feelings, they can take action to avoid certain triggers. This is another place where boundaries and rules come into play. Make sure you are both clear on what you are comfortable and not comfortable with. If a line is crossed, use it as an opportunity for learning.

If you find yourself experiencing jealousy during a swinging encounter, use your safe word or touch (for example, squeezing an arm in a certain way) to let your partner know you need to talk or need a time out. This can provide the necessary space for a quick debrief and can often quickly defuse any negative feelings.

If your partner expresses jealousy or unease of some kind, be patient, show compassion, and affirm your love and desire for them. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions, but having a supportive partner is vital.

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO VIEW THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: https://swingershelp.com/defuse-jealous-feelings/

Written by SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.

We’re on the cusp of the most exciting spring yet. Not only are the days getting longer and the weather warmer, but we’re also starting to see an opportunity to get back out there and socialize after a very long hibernation. People are getting vaccinated. Public spaces are opening up. We can (maybe) go on a date IRL!

To get ready, we’re looking at a new kind of spring cleaning. The phrase traditionally conjures up images of clothing donations and bathroom drawer organizers. But to really gear up for the season and come out of our pandemic pods, we want you to focus on something a little more fun—like your sex life.

So what does spring cleaning your sex life even look like? Let’s discuss.

Revamp your sex toy collection.

Over time, our nightstand drawers can become hiding places for all different kinds of toys, lubes, lotions, and other things. Use this spring as an opportunity to clear out the clutter and essentially Marie Kondo your sex life. Keep the things that bring you joy (like that massage candle you love but forgot you had), and ditch the things you’re no longer interested in.

If you find that you’re throwing away nearly everything, then it’s time to treat yourself to a new toy. For vulva-owners, the Lily Allen Womanizer is a game-changing toy that uses pleasure air technology for a unique orgasm experience. If you’ve got a penis, or know someone who does, the Arcwave Ion also uses pleasure-air technology, but in a way that stimulates the frenulum.

For even more options, the products and sex accessories at Good Vibrations offer everything from butt plugs to penis rings to bullet vibes. An organized toy collection might inspire you to masturbate more—and who wouldn’t want that?

Revisit your collection of sexy clothes.

After you’re done tidying up your sex toy drawer, move on over to your closet. Maybe you bought some lingerie for a special occasion, wore it once, and now it’s hidden in the back of your underwear drawer. There’s no rule that says you can only wear lingerie once—especially if it makes you feel good.

You’re also way more likely to wear your lingerie when it’s in one organized location. Consider designating a special space in your closet for your sexy stuff. You’ll be ten times more prepared to dress up on a casual Tuesday night when your partner is least expecting it. After all, spontaneity is hot AF.

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/4-ways-to-spring-clean-your-sex-and-love-life/

Written by LoveAndSexAnswers.com. Please visit LoveAndSexAnswers.com to read the full article.

Just about everyone has heard of the g-spot. It’s supposedly the “holy grail” of all female sexual stimulation – so why can’t anyone find it? If you do get lucky and find a woman’s g-spot, how to heck are you supposed to stimulate it? Here’s a quick and easy guide to simple, g-spot stimulation that works flawlessly each time and every time.

It’s amazing how many men and women don’t know how to find the g-spot! Read on to find out exactly what the g-spot is and how to find it!

What Is The G-Spot?

The g-spot is a ball of nerve endings inside a woman’s vagina. Similar to a clitoris, these nerve endings pick up sexual stimulation and allow women to have orgasms. The g-spot is important, because most of the inner vagina doesn’t have nerve endings – which is why most women can’t feel a tampon if it’s inserted properly. So to truly stimulate your partner’s vagina, it’s important to find the g-spot and learn how to stimulate it to give your partner a great internal orgasm. It also allows you to vary the types of orgasms you can give your partner, instead of relying only on clitoral orgasms.

How To Find The G-Spot

Contrary to popular belief, the g-spot isn’t terribly hard to find. It’s located just inside a woman’s vagina, on the top, right behind the pubic bone. To find the g-spot, all you have to do is insert one or two fingers inside your partner’s vagina, with your palm up. The g-spot is about finger length away from the opening of the vagina, so once your fingers are in, feel along the top of her vagina and behind the pubic bone for a spongy, bumpy spot… Visit the link below to read the full article.

Source:

Loveandsex. “Sex Tip: How To Find The G-Spot.” Love & Sex Answers, 24 Jan. 2018, loveandsexanswers.com/sex-tip-how-to-find-the-g-spot-video/.

Written by SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.

When many of us hear the word “kink,” we often envision iconic scenes from 50 Shades of Gray and its classic depictions of whips, chains, and blindfolds. And yes, while kink can totally include those things, it’s actually much simpler than that. In reality, kink is any sexual act that falls outside what is regarded as “conventional sexual activity.”

Of course, this makes kink entirely subjective to the couple. Maybe you’re an expert at restraints but haven’t experimented yet with roleplay. Or maybe you and your partner stick to missionary and doggy-style so sex outside would be considered kink for you.

There are so many different ways to express kink, but the common factor is that it’s something outside of your sexual comfort zone. And because that might be a bit intimidating, we’ve investigated some tools for how you can make kink (or maybe even more kink) work for your relationship, no matter where you are on the sexual spectrum. Let’s discuss the 4 steps you can take:

1. Have an open conversation.

The first step is always to have a conversation. Your sex life won’t change unless you talk about it! But once you start getting into the habit of talking about sex as casually as you discuss the weather, it’ll become much easier to approach awkward or challenging conversations.

If your partner doesn’t know about your interest in exploring kink, opt to bring it up at a time when you’re both feeling awake, but not stressed. (And definitely don’t start a sex convo in the middle of a fight, when you’re tired, or if you’ve been drinking too much.) Opt for a neutral environment like the living room or while you’re on a walk. Say: “Hey, I LOVE our sex life, and I’ve been hearing about kink. Would you want to learn more about it with me?”  (You can also check out our Guide to Better Communication for some amazing tips!)

If you and your partner already know you’re both down to try kinking it up, then you can focus more on what you specifically want to explore. This brings us to step number two…

2. Find common ground.

There’s no “one way” or “right way” to explore kink. As we mentioned earlier, kink is anything that falls outside of the more “traditional” sexual norms. Handcuffs? Sex outside? A sex swing? Cuckolding? All of the above? It’s really unlimited! And while there are some great entry-level kinks for beginners, what you and your partner explore will depend on your own unique desires.

Our Yes, No, Maybe List is a great way to explore different things that you and your partner want to try with another. Simply fill out the list, compare answers, and see where your sexual stars align.

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE: 

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/4-easy-steps-to-start-exploring-kink-with-a-partner/

Written by SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.

There’s a lot of misinformation floating around, so today I want to set the record straight and give you some pointers for non-straight sex with two vaginas.

CHECK IN WITH YOUR PARTNER

Ah yes, the good ol’ gay check in. What could be more queer than processing your feelings around sex before you even have it? Being able to talk openly with the person you’re having sex with isn’t just important for your emotional health, it’s important for your physical health and downright necessary for good sex!

Because it’s not immediately apparent as to how two “innies” fit together, being able to talk about what you like and don’t like is even more important in this situation. Maybe you like vibrators, maybe you can’t come unless you have clitoral and vaginal stimulation, or maybe you would rather be a giver than a receiver.

Either way, checking in and talking about sex before you have it is super important for queer sex. Not to mention that it’s extra important to talk about your STD status when two vaginas are in the mix. Vaginal condoms can be awkward, but there are other ways to stay safe including dental dams, using condoms on sex toys, changing condoms to avoid mixing vaginal fluids and using latex gloves. It might be awkward, it might be uncomfortable, but you have to make sure you’re safe along the way.

Also: you’ll notice that I keep saying “two vaginas” instead of two women. This is because your partner might not identify as a woman, or even like to call their genitals a vagina! And that’s okay! Check in to see what their preferred pronouns are and what words they like to use during sex to describe their genitals. Communication is always the best way to ensure comfort in your new expedition and will make your dirty talk even better.

FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU LIKE!

You’ve got the same hardware, so why not practice on yourself first? Before you start in on your partner’s vagina, focus on your own first. Figuring out what you like and how you like to pleasure yourself will teach you a lot about pleasing another vagina. So take some time alone and have a solo masturbation session or two to figure out what you like before you start having queer sex. Being able to describe what you like will help your partner pleasure you, and give you a lot of information as to how to operate the machinery, keeping in mind that we all like different things. Also: it’s fun!

CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: http://sexwithemily.com/sex-with-two-vaginas/

Written by Amanda Kohr on SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.

Sex outside is one of the most common fantasies. Why? Well for starters it’s taboo—sex in a public place is a no-no, and even if you manage to avoid the authorities, there’s still a chance someone else will see. For many, the thrill of “breaking the rules” alone is enough to get your sexual wheels turning, especially if you or your partner experience arousal at the thought of getting caught.

And while we never condone breaking the law, we can certainly empathize with the desire to get it on outdoors. For one thing, the thought of someone watching you have sex can be incredibly erotic. In fact, it’s so common that we have a name for it: exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which a person feels aroused at the idea or the reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others. For example, have you ever walked past a window in your birthday suit and thought, “I don’t care who sees!” Or maybe you even felt a little turned on? That’s exhibitionism at play.

Of course, there are other things that contribute to the eroticism of sex outside. Some people simply love the connection with nature or feeling the wind on their bare skin while experiencing all the feel-good chemicals from sex. In either case, it can be hard to find the right locations for sex outside. (Especially because getting arrested is so not sexy.)

Luckily, we’ve compiled a list of the best locations for how to have sex outside. Happy exploring—and don’t forget the sunblock.

1. Take a Hike 

Hiking is great because trees and giant boulders often present lots of opportunities to hide. (Though this isn’t necessarily the case if you’re hiking in the desert, so location matters.) The next time you and your partner want to venture out into the wilderness, choose a time and trail where you’re likely not to see as much traffic. If you’re opting for penetrative sex, have the person being penetrated bend over and put their hands on a tree or rock for support. Remember to avoid poison ivy!

Pro Tip: Keep as much clothing on as possible so that you can cover up if you hear footsteps. If you’re worried about getting caught, opt for some hand and mouth stuff, for even an outdoorsy round of oral.

2. On a Balcony 

A balcony is a sly way to have sex outside because you’re technically still on private property—just make sure you’re doing it at night and don’t live near kids! You can also maintain some privacy if one of you is wearing a dress and going commando. Your partner can simply lift it up and do their thing with their hands, genitals, or even mouth. This is an especially great spot if you’re on vacation and your balcony overlooks the ocean or a forest. You get all of the excitement of being close to nature, while still having your room right next door should you need to make a quick getaway.

TO VIEW THE FULL ARTICLE, VISIT THE LINK BELOW:

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/the-5-best-ways-to-have-sex-outside/

Written by LoveAndSexAnswers.com. Visit LoveAndSexAnswers.com to read the full article.

Women are complicated creatures!  There is no one foreplay move that works on all women nor do all women like the same things!  What worked for your last girl might not work with your current girl – and that can be super frustrating if all you want to do is please her. (Oh, and that should be your main goal).

Although women are all different, here are some foreplay tips at work for most women most of the time…

Foreplay Tip #1 – Worship Her

You can do this anytime, all the time.  Make her feel like the most important sexiest women in the world!  Show her that you have never been with a more perfect woman.  Praise her body, in every way.  From her eyes to her boobs. You need to make her feel like a million dollars and let he know you feel like the luckiest man in the world to be able to touch her and kiss her.

Foreplay Tip #2 – Tease Her

Do not go straight for the honey!  Spend some time opening the jar.  IN other words, don’t go from kissing to sex right away, take your time and get her turned on.

Women need a lot more foreplay and longer foreplay then guys do so remember that even if you are ready to go she might need more kissing, more touching more more more! But the more you do the better it will feel to her because the longer you wait to have sex the more turned on she will be!  So tease her!

Even if she starts to beg, build her anticipation and really get her ready for you.

Foreplay Tip #3 – Go Down On Her

You know how much you love a good old bj? Well, she too will love a little tongue action.  Did you know the clitoris only purpose is for pleasure?  It has no other use except to make women feel amazing.  So spend some time and lick her, suck her, flick her etc.

If you don’t know what she likes, then have her show you on your palm.  Or ask her!  Some women push men away from giving them oral but that is normally because she hasn’t had someone really show her a good time down there, you could be the guy to do it!!

VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE:

Source: https://loveandsexanswers.com/the-7-best-foreplay-moves-to-really-turn-her-on/

This article was written by SexWithEmily.com. To read the full article, please visit https://sexwithemily.com/pegging-101/

Let’s cut to the chase: pegging is in. And for very good reason. 

A sex act where one person wears a strap-on dildo, and uses it to penetrate the anus of their partner, “pegging” as a term is relatively new…but the practice is not. It can be traced back as far as Ancient Egypt (what can’t?), but it wasn’t until 2001 when Dan Savage coined the term with the help of his Savage Love community. And thus, a star sex phrase was born. 

While anyone can be penetrated, there’s a special benefit for penis owners. Just like vulva owners have G-spot orgasms – those deep, internal orgasms that feel like your entire core is throbbing – penis owners can have prostate or “P-spot” orgasms, which yield a similarly internal, explosive O. How? By having their prostate gland stimulated, accessible only via the anus. Enter: the strap-on dildo. 

Since 2020, sales of strap-ons have increased nearly 200% for online sex toy retailer Lovehoney, and that’s just one brand, folks. Likely due to increased pop culture exposure (think Broad City) and our ever-evolving views of masculinity and femininity, more folks feel liberated now to try it. So how do you dive in?

Let’s discuss the 4 “pegs” of pegging, so you can have satisfying strap-on sex. Remember: you do not have to be an adult film actor to pull this off! Unless you are one already, in which case, keep shining. 

1. Who can peg?

Anyone. While prostate stimulation is a treat for penis owners, there’s only a thin membrane wall in the anus separating a vulva owner from their G-spot. If they are pegged, they can experience an anal orgasm as well, which is SO great. 

2. How does it work?

Maybe it sounds straightforward – strap on dildo, penetrate partner – but there’s a looot to consider to have your best strap-on sex.

• The first is prep. Just like you wouldn’t pop into the splits without stretching, the same goes for our sphincter muscles. If someone is going to be pegged (the “pegee” if you will), they would be wise to do some anal training in advance. This can happen alone or with a partner: a partner can give them digital penetration to help their sphincter muscles relax and become more pliable. But alone, the pegee can insert butt plugs during solo or partnered sex, or truly…anytime. Plugs train the sphincter muscles to “give” more during penetration, and do not worry, you can’t permanently stretch out your anus. This step simply adds more elasticity to your already elastic anal opening. 
• Another note, pegees. It’s not a bad idea to clean out 30 to 60 minutes before playtime, with a body-safe enema. While waste is actually not stored in your anus – it’s stored in your upper bowels – fecal matter can be present in the lower bowels. Not a huge deal, but if you know you’d feel more secure if you’re sparkling clean there, consider this step. 
• Next: the person doing the pegging (the “pegger”) should get comfortable with their strap-on. That could look like literally walking around the house in it, to make sure nothing is chafing or feeling uncomfortable. What you want to feel is a firm, snug fit with your harness or underwear, so that it doesn’t feel like anything is slipping off, but neither is it so tight you’re losing blood circulation. 
• Finally, let’s talk in-the-moment foreplay and positions. Before jumping right into pegging, I recommend ample anal play first, such as fingering or rimming. Not only are these things super erotic, they build anticipation for the fireworks to come.

As for positions, please apply lots of lube and consider the following: do you want the pegee to set the rhythm, or the pegger? 

PLEASE VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE

Source: https://sexwithemily.com/pegging-101/

This article was written by Amanda Kohr on SexWithEmily.com. To read the full article, please visit https://sexwithemily.com/overcoming-4-common-sex-fears/

“Fear is the mind-killer.”

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the world, from Dune (and its author, Frank Herbert). Not only is it artful – it’s accurate. Fear does kill off part of our mind, temporarily: when we’re scared, the outer layer of our brain shuts down. And it, the prefrontal cortex, is responsible for logic and reason. So when it goes offline, what we’ve got left is the emotional center: aka, freakout mode. 

As you and I both know, being emotional is human…but, it’s not always the best state to make a decision. 

That’s why sex fears are so common, because sex demands vulnerability – and for a lot of us, that’s scary. But sex fears (and freakouts) can be healed, especially as we release any old, shameful programming we got about sex when we were younger. I talked about these fears on my podcast recently, but here are 4 of the most common ones – plus, how you can heal them. 

Fear of rejection 

At a bar, on an app, or simply initiating sex with your partner 

Oh, what a fun fear this is: you put yourself out there, you show interest in someone…only to be met with a “no thank you.” (Or worse.) 

The interesting thing about rejection, sexual or otherwise, is that it’s a universal human experience. And yet, it can feel so personal, like there’s something wrong about you specifically: not cute enough, not sexy enough, not whatever enough to get this person’s attention…whether it’s a stranger, or your own partner.

Try: Remembering it’s probably not personal

At the end of the day, none of us are entitled to anyone’s attention. But when our interest isn’t reciprocated, it’s usually not personal. That person you tried to talk to at a bar, or on an app? Maybe they declined because they’re not in the headspace to engage right now. Or, maybe they declined because there wasn’t a spark. That’s OK! There will be a spark with someone. And when it’s your partner, maybe they turned down sex because they’re tired, stressed out, or just not feeling sexy. When we remember it’s not personal, it’s easier to have a conversation with our partner, and check in with them on how they’re doing more generally. Often, this compassion creates the easy, free space required for desire to flow. 

Fear of body judgment 

That they won’t like your body or they will be grossed out by your period

It’s one of the most common fears I hear about, as a sex educator. 

“What if I’m on my period, and it grosses out my partner?” Or: “what if my partner sees my small penis, and decides they’d rather not have sex?” Or: “what if my partner sees me naked, and doesn’t like what they see?”

These fears tend to lessen their grip, once we realize they were programmed into us by other people (advertising, porn, childhood experiences, etc.). Period sex? Put down a towel. Penis size? Penetration by a penis isn’t the thing that helps vulva owners orgasm anyway. (And if you’re doing anal play, there are a wide variety of toys out there.) Getting naked for the first time? Your partner has probably already thought about it – and tbh, they’re probably really excited. 

Try: Finding role models

Social media can have all KINDS of downsides, but one of the really great benefits is that it allows you to do an end-run around mainstream media. You know, the magazines, TV shows, movies or even porn that told you for years what an attractive body looked like, or how gross periods were, etc. etc. 

Here’s a secret: none of that is true. It’s just a matter of opinion.

So take out any social media content that inflames those insecurities, and sub in role models (or other uplifting content) that showcase your concerns in a positive, sexy light. By giving your brain new inputs around desire, attractiveness, and so on, we can shed any past programming that made us feel insecure – because remember, advertising works in part by exploiting insecurities. Instead, welcome in content that reminds you that your body (and its very normal functions) are already sexy.

PLEASE VISIT THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE.

Souce: https://sexwithemily.com/overcoming-4-common-sex-fears/