Written by Griffin-Wynne on SexWithEmily.com
Ah, the New Year. Time to download a daily meditation app and shell out for a gym membership (neither of which you’ll actually ever use.) But getting out of your sexual comfort zone in 2020?
Well, there’a resolution you’ll be happy to stick to.
FIND YOUR YESES, YOUR NOS & YOUR MAYBES
The first step of getting out of your comfort zone is defining just what the heck your comfort zone is. Take a moment to think about what you know you like, what you know you don’t like, and what you’re willing to try. Make your list separate from your partner, to ensure that you’re being as honest as possible, and really think about what feels exciting. Then, compare lists with your partner and start to brainstorm some sexy things you want to try.
If something is a strong “Yes” to both of you – have at it. If it’s a “Yes” for one and a “No” for one, move on to something else. If “maybes” are involved, talk about boundaries and consent and what would need to happen to make it a “Yes.” We want to try new things, but in a healthy and empowering way that makes everyone feel good.
CREATE A F*CKET LIST
If a “Bucket List” is all things you want to do before you die, consider a F*cket List all the sexy things you want to try at least one time. Going down on your partner in a public bathroom? Butt stuff? Threesome? Creating an agricultural-themed version of the Kama Sutra called the Farmer Sutra with positions like The Wheelbarrow and The Plow?
From your kinkiest fantasies to something that just sounds pleasurable – think about all the things you’ve always wanted to try and create a list with your partner. Attempt to mark one thing off every week.
KEEP AN IDEA JAR BY THE BED
Listen, it can be hard to think of new positions or moves on the spot. Whether you draw inspiration from your F*cket List or your Yes/No/Maybe chart — take a second to write down different moves, role-playing situations, sexy dares, and other things you want to try on little pieces of paper, then fold them up and keep them in a jar by the bed. When you’re thinking of getting it on, reach for the jar and pull out a card. You don’t have to do exactly what’s on it, but it can get the ball rolling.
LOVE ON YOURSELF
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. To challenge yourself sexually in 2020, carve out more time to be intimate and intention with yourself. Touch your body, learn what feels good, cultivate desire, think about your kinks.
Learning more about your body will help you have the best sex for you. Additionally, remind yourself how worthy and deserving of hot sex you are — give yourself daily affirmations, practice self-love and self-care and find things that make you feel empowered.
EXPRESS HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL (RATHER THAN WHAT YOU WANT YOUR PARTNER TO DO)
Sometimes you know where you want to go but you have no idea how to get there. If you’re struggling to ask your partner for something or have no idea how to articulate your desires — in 2020, try explaining how you want to feel rather than what you want them to literally do. Do you want to feel like a dirty girl that needs to be punished? Do you want to feel a deep and intimate connection to recenter with your partner? Do you want to feel like Kim K getting a check for a million dollars from Kanye? If your partner knows the type of sex you’re looking for, (rough, tender, intimate, silly, stress-releasing, serious, etc.) they’re more likely to help you find it.
WATCH PORN TOGETHER
Though you may end up laughing the whole time, sharing sexy media may get you both of your comfort zones and make you both loosen up.
You can take inspiration from whatever the actors are saying and try to replicate the role-playing or positions. You and your partner may already like to watch porn together, in which case, take the New Year to find some new or different things to stream in 2020.
BRING A TOY TO PLAYTIME
Adding a vibrator, dildo, or cock ring to your sex life can be an instant blast of extra fun. If your partner has never seen you masturbate, they may enjoy just watching. Additionally, they may love the extra sensation of using a toy as they enter or stimulate you.
MAKE TIME FOR SEX
You’re busy and tired, your partner is busy and tired. After a long day you just want to veg out and have some wine. While it’s important to listen to your body, it’s also important to prioritize intimacy and pleasure in your relationships.
Find a time that you both are generally pretty energized and schedule a weekly sexy session, the way you’d have a running date night. Make intimacy a weekly priority will help you and your boo keep up the spark.
GO ALL OUT
Don’t be afraid to go all out with the ambiance. Light a candle. Play some music. Drink some champagne. Start the night with an erotic massage. Sure, you can have pretty mediocre sex with no kissing ten minutes before falling asleep. You can also be a little more intentional and really take a moment to wow your partner.