So you’ve both decided to live out your fantasy of bringing another woman into your bed. Great. Now what? Agreeing to pursue a fantasy is just the first step of turning a dream into reality. Navigating a new sexual activity, regardless of what it is, with your partner can be challenging even under the best of circumstances.
Whenever you and your significant other consider expanding your relationship boundaries, many conversations must be had, words of affirmation that must be said, and a lot of trust that must be earned. Making sure that everyone has been able to express their wants, needs, and boundaries is essential.
Before jumping into bed with a third person, the first thing to do is talk about why you want a threesome and what you want to happen during the encounter. Take the time to assess the health of your relationship to determine if you are ready for a threesome. Make sure that the prospect is exciting to both of you and that neither feels pressured to live out the other’s fantasy.
Once you’ve determined that it is something that you both want, take time to discuss the details.
Essential topics to include in your discussion:
- Who will be your third? Discuss your preferences for choosing a stranger versus someone you already know.
- Are any activities off-limits? Don’t make the mistake of assuming that your idea of a perfect threesome is the same as your partner’s. Be clear if intercourse with the unicorn is okay with both of you (and, if so, what kind or kinds). You will also want to have this conversation with the woman you decide to bring to bed too! As in all lifestyle activities, consent is crucial.
- Where will the encounter take place? Some couples prefer to play at home while others prefer hotels or lifestyle clubs. If you choose to host at home, decide if you want to use your primary bedroom or another location in your home.
- Will this be a one-night stand, or are you hoping for an ongoing arrangement? This preference could impact the unicorn you choose as some women are only interested in single encounters while some prefer ongoing arrangements and others have no preference.
- How will you check in with each other during your play session? Agree on a few verbal and non-verbal cues that will enable you to communicate with each other discreetly. These secret signals will help clarify whether moving forward is okay or if things need to slow down.
Finding Your Unicorn
If you already know the woman you want to invite to join your three-way action, please feel free to skip to the next section.
For many couples, finding the right person for their MFF is the hardest part. As with couple swaps, clear chemistry between all parties is vital but not easy to find. Swinger dating sites are a great place to start if you are looking for a single (or attached, non-monogamous) woman interested in playing with couples. Local lifestyle clubs can also be good venues for finding your potential fit.
Some couples prefer a more old-school route and choose to seek out their bedmates at vanilla bars. This approach tends to have a lower success rate, but it does offer a great couple’s night out if nothing else.
Common Feelings and How to Handle them
As we stated earlier, there are specific common feelings associated with the idea of a threesome, and they must be fully dealt with before it happens.
- Consent is Crucial
If you are committed to your partner, a threesome should not happen unless she is onboard with it. Consent is the most important thing to tick off the checklist, and each person has to be sure that it is what they want. It is vital that no one feels coerced or forced to agree, and once this part is settled, you can address other feelings.
- It is normal to get excited.
The idea of a threesome completely turns many people on. This is because they get to experience someone new sexually, watch their partner have sex with someone else, and even learn an adventurous and fresh sexual style. It is an avenue for you and your partner to live out a fantasy in the comfort of your relationship, and it is exciting to consider. Also, imagine how incredible it would feel to be stimulated by two people at once! Adding another female to your routine can give you intense pleasure and a fantastic orgasmic release.
- How to ask for a threesome?
Another common feeling people have when discussing threesomes with their partners is a possible lack of trust and confidence in the relationship. It is important to begin any suggestion of a threesome by first restating your commitment to your partner and your existing relationship. How you present the idea will greatly influence how it is received. Try to reassure your partner by saying things like, “I think this would be so hot to share with you,” “This is a way to switch things up in the bedroom,” or “I want us to experience something different together.” Statements like these focus on the benefits to the relationship rather than on just one person’s fantasies.
However, if you and your partner already have trust, jealousy, or commitment issues, suggesting a threesome will add fuel to the already bursting flames. In this case, you should wait till after you work out your problems and you are both in a safe, happy space in the relationship.
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