Scarlet, 53, has been happily married to her husband Jack for 29 years. But once their children moved out of home, they decided to spice things up…
As told to Sonja Kowanjko
Ever since I met my husband Jack when I was 21, he was the love of my life.
Early on we developed a sales and marketing business together and we had an amazing marriage, friendship, working relationship and overall bond.
We were blessed with two wonderful children and over the years we enjoyed lots of travel, kept active together with gym workouts, woodland walks, and all sorts of fun activities.
We also always ensured to make time for each other with regular date nights, and placed a lot of emphasis on our sex life. We both agreed it was an extremely important part of our relationship.
When our children became adults and moved out of home, we found ourselves with a lot more time on our hands.
Suddenly the house was empty for the first time in over 20 years, and we started focussing more on our social life, hosting and attending many dinner parties.
Although it was great to catch up with our old friends, we started becoming a bit bored with the same, mundane routines.
The dinner parties were often filled with conversations about retirement, superannuation, aches, pains and even death!
What I learned from a night in a swingers club
Both very young at heart, Jack and I just felt life still had so much more to offer.
So one evening after yet another dinner event, Jack had a rather surprising suggestion.
“How would you feel about visiting a swingers’ club?” he asked.
At first I was absolutely horrified. Was he not attracted to me anymore? Was I no longer enough?
Worst still, had he fallen out of love with me?
But when he explained he loved me more than ever, and it would just be a new, fun thing we could try (and didn’t actually have to physically do anything with anyone else), I started thinking about it in a different light.
I wondered whether human beings were actually designed to be monogamous.
After all, how many people could honestly say they’d never fantasised about having sex with someone other than their partner?
And what about those who’d gone that step further and been unfaithful – with usually disastrous consequences?
Warming up to the idea, I started thinking that living out my fantasies with Jack could actually be a wonderful experience.
So soon after, we took the plunge!
One evening I put on a sexy black dress, with matching killer heels, and we made our way to a swingers’ club.
Upon entering, my first impression was it looked just like any other nightclub.
But the further we explored, the more we discovered…
There was a massage table, three bedrooms, a spa – and even a dungeon!
Initially, we’d just planned to be there as observers, to soak up the atmosphere and enjoy each other’s company.
But throughout the night, our curiosity grew…
Before I knew it I ended up on a massage table, naked, receiving a gloriously erotic massage from three men – one of which was my husband!
From that moment, we both became hooked.
We loved the excitement, thrill, and being able to live out our fantasies.
We went back to the same swingers’ club every other Saturday for several months.
Then, we decided to look into the lifestyle further.
We explored websites like Adult Matchmaker to find private parties, and started attending them quite regularly.
As we built up some more courage, we began arranging to meet couples – usually at a neutral bar for a drink – to see if we clicked.
And if we did, things would progress from there!
Throughout our first year of swinging we had a long list of rules – including things like not kissing other people, not having full sex with others, and always being able to be in reach of one another. But, as we evolved, many of the rules were discussed and discarded.
We became a lot more free and liberated, and as strange as it may sound swinging really started to enhance our marriage – and bring us closer.
There was nothing we couldn’t discuss with one another, and our once taboo fantasies were now part of our real lives.
Both in it together, we were able to do all these exciting things without secrecy or guilt.
Being swingers also helped to keep us young, and certainly put a spring in our step
Today, seven years on from first stepping into that swingers’ club, it’s still a huge part of our lifestyle.
Now, we don’t really have any rules as such and more or less anything goes as long as we’re both happy, comfortable and agree.
We trust each other, enjoy our lifestyle, and we’ve even been on a couple of very thrilling swingers’ cruises.
But we’ve always kept this part of our lives to ourselves – having our own little secret is part of the thrill!
Throughout our swinging journey I kept a diary about our experiences, which I’ve now released as an eBook ‘Diary of a Swinger‘. I wanted to share everything from the fear of the unknown I felt in the beginning, to the way we’ve evolved sexually, personally, and as a couple. And yes, there’s some quite raunchy scenes to read about, too!
Living out your fantasies with the person you love is an amazing experience.
My advice to couples who are considering swinging is to ensure you first have a rock-solid relationship. Talk everything over beforehand, set some boundaries that you’re both comfortable with, and make sure you stick to them. And importantly – enjoy it, relax and have fun!
Read why a sexologist says happy people are horny people. Plus meet the woman who had sex every day for a year.
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