Written by Isabella Frappier on SexWithEmily.com.
Fantastic foreplay, is it the missing ingredient for your perfect sexual menu? I get it, sex is fun! It’s hard to wait to enjoy it, and you want to rush to the main course (penetrative sex).
However, foreplay can be just as fun, and perhaps even more so. By the time you’ve finished reading this blog, you’ll be a foreplay champ, and your lovers can thank me later.
WHY DOES FOREPLAY MATTER?
In a perfect world, we all want to be great at sex and please our lovers. However, actually doing so can be a little more challenging. Sexual communication is key, as well as having good sexual independence. This is important so that you know what you want, and also how to ask for it.
Good foreplay increases the pleasure for everyone involved before, during, and after sex. It also lessens the chances of pain during sex, which, unfortunately, is an all too common occurrence, particularly for people with vulvas.
Put simply, good foreplay equals better sex. Now that’s math I like doing. So here are my top 5 tips to help you become a foreplay champ:
1- Redefine “Sex”
The very first step in becoming a master of foreplay is… realizing that “foreplay” is actually not really a thing! Now don’t get mad or confused, thinking I’ve tricked you, I promise this is going to blow your world in the best way. When you broaden your definition of sex to include anything that has interactive sexual energy, the sexual world opens up for you.
No longer limited to segments of pre, during, and post penis (or strap on/toy) in vagina/butt penetration, sex becomes this amorphous and wonderful vehicle for pleasure. This lowers the pressure for all parties involved, and creates a much more fun and pleasure rich environment.
So, the first step to excellent foreplay is realizing that we don’t need to relegate “sex” to only meaning penis/toy into vagina/butt penetration. As well as acknowledging (or at least being open to the idea) that you can experience as much (and maybe even more) pleasure without any penetration being involved at all. For the purposes of easy reading in this article, I’ll still use the term “foreplay”, but now you and I both know what it really means.
2- Make It Personal
It’s important that foreplay is personal to what everyone involved actually likes. What revs one person’s engine might stall out another’s. So, consider what you and your partner(s) main pathway to arousal is, and how to engage them with personalized foreplay. This is something I teach with my clients, but to give you some fun entry tools, the three main pathways are:
-Sound: Most stimulated by dirty talk, compliments, and verbal flirting, the love language of words of affirmation, sensual music, etc.
-Visual: Most stimulated by the sight of their partner, sexy lingerie, seeing which sex toys will be played with, erotic dance, etc.
-Sensory: Most stimulated by delicious foods, lovely smells like scented candles and massage oils, silks, faux furs, sensual touch from their partner, etc.
Another fantastic tool to use when exploring personalizing foreplay is the erotic blueprints. Take the quiz with your partner, and chat about the different types of foreplay you would each enjoy.
3- Pre-Foreplay Foreplay
Don’t wait until you’re naked, or even till you’re in the same room as your lover for the foreplay to begin. Try sending them flirtatious texts throughout the day to stimulate their arousal. Use the “voice memo” function on your phone to slowly describe what you’d like to do to them that night and send it off as a mid-day treat.
Once you are in the same room as them, keep the pre-foreplay going. If you or your partner have a vulva, try using a fantastic pre-lube pleasure Oil like Foria. It takes 15-30 minutes to reach full activation, which provides a fantastic natural opportunity for anticipation and tease. While you wait, get creative. Give each other a sexy striptease. Take sensual portraits of each other. Give and receive all over body massages.
When you engage in pre-foreplay foreplay, you’ll be so riled up by and sexually charged before your genitals are even touched. This creates an explosion of sensation when they are…
4- Take Your Time
Never EVER rush foreplay. It feels amazing, builds arousal for fun later on, and is an incredible opportunity for sensual play and emotional intimacy. Don’t skip or fast-forward through foreplay, ever. After all, if the foreplay is delicious enough, it could end up being your entire meal!
5- Utilize Support Tools
You do not have to just use your hands, lips, hair, teeth, fingertips, tongue, genitals, etc for foreplay; though those are all fantastic tools for it. Sex toys can be wonderful wingmen for you, they can do things your body simply cannot. Like powerfully vibrate. Or deliver pleasure-air technology. Perhaps pinpoint your clitoral erogenous zones. Your hand can’t cool down in the freezer for some temperature play. At least, I hope it can’t.
When you’re using toys, also remember that lube can be your absolute best friend. Don’t be shy with it, and spoil yourself with the good stuff like Pjur. You won’t regret it.
So, here are some fun and sexy foreplay ideas to get your motor running:
- – Spank your partner with a paddle or a kitchen spatula
- – Drag your hair slowly over their entire body
- – Set a timer for 60 seconds and see how aroused you can get each other without touching genitals
- – Put in a butt plug an hour before your scheduled sex date and enjoy the warm-up
- – Text your lover excerpts from your favorite erotica while you wait for them to get home
- – Use a powerful vibrator like the Magic Wand on each of your partner’s erogenous zones, and ask them to rank their pleasure from 1-10
I think you can take it from here…