Written by SexWithEmily.com. Visit SexWithEmily.com to read the full article.
When many of us hear the word “kink,” we often envision iconic scenes from 50 Shades of Gray and its classic depictions of whips, chains, and blindfolds. And yes, while kink can totally include those things, it’s actually much simpler than that. In reality, kink is any sexual act that falls outside what is regarded as “conventional sexual activity.”
Of course, this makes kink entirely subjective to the couple. Maybe you’re an expert at restraints but haven’t experimented yet with roleplay. Or maybe you and your partner stick to missionary and doggy-style so sex outside would be considered kink for you.
There are so many different ways to express kink, but the common factor is that it’s something outside of your sexual comfort zone. And because that might be a bit intimidating, we’ve investigated some tools for how you can make kink (or maybe even more kink) work for your relationship, no matter where you are on the sexual spectrum. Let’s discuss the 4 steps you can take:
1. Have an open conversation.
The first step is always to have a conversation. Your sex life won’t change unless you talk about it! But once you start getting into the habit of talking about sex as casually as you discuss the weather, it’ll become much easier to approach awkward or challenging conversations.
If your partner doesn’t know about your interest in exploring kink, opt to bring it up at a time when you’re both feeling awake, but not stressed. (And definitely don’t start a sex convo in the middle of a fight, when you’re tired, or if you’ve been drinking too much.) Opt for a neutral environment like the living room or while you’re on a walk. Say: “Hey, I LOVE our sex life, and I’ve been hearing about kink. Would you want to learn more about it with me?” (You can also check out our Guide to Better Communication for some amazing tips!)
If you and your partner already know you’re both down to try kinking it up, then you can focus more on what you specifically want to explore. This brings us to step number two…
2. Find common ground.
There’s no “one way” or “right way” to explore kink. As we mentioned earlier, kink is anything that falls outside of the more “traditional” sexual norms. Handcuffs? Sex outside? A sex swing? Cuckolding? All of the above? It’s really unlimited! And while there are some great entry-level kinks for beginners, what you and your partner explore will depend on your own unique desires.
Our Yes, No, Maybe List is a great way to explore different things that you and your partner want to try with another. Simply fill out the list, compare answers, and see where your sexual stars align.
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