Would you ever be open to swinging or having an open relationship? While the common reaction to this question is “hell no!” what if you are open to the idea? How do you tell your partner? Most importantly, how do you keep it from ruining your relationship? First and foremost, it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship (although many swear it will). You must be open-minded, trusting of your partner, and ready for lots of honest communication. Opening your relationship is not something to be entered into lightly.
Broaching The Subject
If you think your partner might be open to swinging, just be honest. Tell him or her that you might want to talk about doing it someday. Feel out the reaction. You don’t have to make a decision right away, and it may take several conversations before you decide if you want to proceed.
Talk it out, talk a little more…and then talk again. Talk about why you trust each other and how a situation like this could damage that trust. Talk about your concerns and expectations. Lay down ground rules to get past first time swinger fears. It cannot be stressed enough that communication is key. Choose if you’re looking for a swap or individual situation. If you’re going to meet someone one-on-one, decide if you will tell each other the dirty details afterward. Establish what kind of check-ins you’re going to have (checking in before and after a meeting makes your partner feel respected and lets them know you’re okay). Decide which acts you’re allowed to perform with others.
There are plenty of places on the internet to find people for sex. Your local CraigsList.com is free, but there are a lot of scams and prostitutes to sift through. Sites like AdultFriendFinder.com have a small fee, but eliminate the shady people who just want your money. This can be fun but tedious. Together, you can browse through the myriad of people. Discuss the type of (as well as what turns you on or off about) the people you’re interested in meeting. If you find someone you’re interested in, send a message. Ask about their habits and hobbies and why they’re in an open relationship (or looking for a couple). Tell them about your own expectations and agreements.
Getting Down To Business
Many people choose to meet in a public place for a first meeting. A hotel bar is usually a good location, since you can get a room if the meeting leads to sex. Now, this goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway: Protect yourself and practice safe sex. Use condoms, dental dams, a safe word, and make sure someone knows where you are. Tell your significant other about your plans; if you’re going out together, leave a note at home or inform a (very open-minded) friend.
In The Afterglow
Time for more communication! Talk about the things that you felt good or uncomfortable about, as well as whether you want to continue pursuing a swinger relationship. Finally, remind your partner of how important they are to you and of just how much you love them.